Bow or Break
by Laume
Summary: Rewritten plot bunny from storage. Snape is de-aged and has to spend the summer with his worst enemies. All does not go well. Does it ever?
1. Chapter 1

A/N Another plot bunny that jumped into my head

**A/N I rewrote a plot bunny from the storage. It was depressing people on Potions&Snitches, so I expanded it there and made it less depressing (well, except for SomeGuyFawkes who will be incredibly depressed with this one:-) I figured I might as well post it here, too. At least, what I have so far. It's not done yet.**

**Not for Sirius lovers. Definitely not.**

"You will have to take him, I'm afraid."

Sirius Black scowled heavily at the ancient wizard. "I most certainly will not."

"Sirius, we really have no other choice. It will only be for a few weeks."

Before the Animagus could retort angrily, a knock on the door heralded the arrival of another visitor.

"Ah, Harry," the Headmaster greeted the boy, "do sit down. We have some things to discuss."

"Yes, Professor," Harry flashed a grin at Sirius.

"As you probably have noticed, Harry, Professor Snape has had a minor mishap with one of his experiments," Dumbledore began.

"It was rather hard to miss, Sir," Harry smiled weakly.

"Indeed," Dumbledore's eyes winkled merrily, "there is a rather…ah…significant difference…"

"He's six bloody years old!" Sirius burst out, "so instead of a big greasy git he is now a small greasy git. I am NOT taking him!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. The Headmaster sighed, ignoring Sirius for the moment.

"Fortunately, an antidote is available. Regrettably, the only person holding the patent and capable of brewing it on such short notice is in the United States. Thus it will be a fortnight, perhaps three weeks before it arrives here. Severus will have to stay somewhere safe during that period, and Grimmauld Place is the obvious choice. I know your godfather and yourself were going to spend Christmas together at the house, and I simply ask that you take Severus along with you."

"And I already told you no!" Sirius banged his fist on the table.

"Siri, he is only six years old," Harry pointed out rather unnecessarily, "he is, isn't he, Headmaster?"

"You will find that he is very much a six years old child, Harry, though he has retained some memories of his adult life."

Harry turned to his godfather. "Honestly, Siri, how much trouble can a child be?" he asked.

Sirius was about to snap at his godson when he paused and seemed to think for a moment. Then he sagged back into the chair.

"Oh alright," he practically pouted, "but I don't want the entire Order on my doorstep constantly to interfere with us! I promised Harry a nice, quiet Christmas with me and I don't want that taken away by an endless throng of people who insist on coming over to push unwanted advice down our throats."

"I understand," the blue eyes twinkled merrily, "and I'm sure you will gain a new understanding for Severus in these weeks. Who knows, perhaps you will even grow to enjoy having him around."

"Not bloody likely," Sirius muttered, "but alright. Bring in the brat."

Dumbledore opened the door to his private rooms and a few minutes later, coaxed out a wary looking, small black haired boy.

"Severus, this is Sirius and that is Harry. You will be staying with them until your medicine is ready."

The boy looked at them and turned around. "NO! Noooo, I don't wanna stay with them!"

Dumbledore grabbed a bony shoulder and spun the child back. "Don't be silly, my dear boy. You cannot stay here on your own and I have too much work to do. Sirius, I will give you some money to owl-order him an outfit or two."

"I'm not going, I'm not!" Severus stamped his feet, "you can't MAKE ME!"

"You just watch, you ill-tempered monster," Sirius held the small arm in a strong grip and simply dragged the child into the Floo. "Grimmauld Place," he yelled and disappeared with his charge. Dumbledore looked slightly concerned, but quickly changed to his customary smile when he faced Harry.

"Well, my boy, I hope you will have a delightful holiday," with that, Harry felt himself dismissed to go find Sirius and the small Potions Master. Also taking a fist of floo powder, he relocated himself to Grimmauld Place, where Sirius and Severus were now engaged in a shouting match.

"I'm going to make us some dinner," Harry interrupted the argument, "It will be ready in half an hour. Maybe you should show him where he will sleep, Siri."

Sirius sent one last glare at the boy before he gave a short jerk of his head, indicating he expected the child Snape to follow. Upstairs, he led him to a small room off the hallway. It had a narrow, hard bed.

"Don't expect me to do you any favours just because you are undersized now," he growled, "I expect you to work for your food and stay out of my and Harry's way. Dumbledore made me take you, don't remind me that you are even here if you can help it."

With that, he returned downstairs where Harry had started on a simple dinner of baked potatoes, steak and salad. The table was set for three.

"You don't expect us to eat with that…that…thing, do you Harry?" Sirius shook his head, "I am not going to let his ugly gob ruin my appetite."

"He is a child, he needs to eat," Harry replied.

"Harry, he is SNAPE. He's seven. He's dependant upon us. Now you can get him back for all the misery he caused you."

"Sirius!" Harry looked appalled.

"I'm not saying beating him to a pulp," Sirius reasoned with his godson, "only, let him experience what it is like being on the receiving end for once."

"I think he got plenty of experience being on the receiving end with you and Dad around," Harry retorted, but his voice was hesitant. Sirius noticed and honed in immediately.

"It might do the git some good. We would be doing him a favour. If it makes him nicer to his students, we will be doing generations of young wizards and witches a favour."

Harry shrugged. "All I wanted was a nice quiet Christmas with you – get to know you better."

Sirius slung his arm around his godsons shoulders. "And you will, Harry! I'm not going to let Snivellus take that away from us! Come, lets eat."

"The kid…"

"Save him a plate if you must," Sirius said, unconcerned and unwilling to spare the brat another thought, "we're going to have dinner together and play some Wizard's Chess, okay?"

ssssssssss

Harry frowned when he entered the kitchen for lunch. Severus was standing on a stool, cleaning the stove. When Harry stepped in, the boy looked up, startled and dropped the bucket of water over the floor.

"Clean it up," Harry shrugged, "Did you peel the potatoes?"

"Yes," Severus pointed to a pot on the counter before grabbing a mop to get to work.

"What happened here?" Sirius asked as he entered the kitchen and nearly slipped on the wet floor, "useless twerp! Can't you do anything right? No food for you today!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Sirius," Harry looked pale but his godfather didn't notice, "it was just an accident."

"Accident my arse. He is a no good lazy git, Harry, who is determined to ruin our holidays. I'll be back when the kitchen is clean and lunch is on the table – for the two of us!"

Harry sighed and started preparing lunch. When Severus had wrestled the heavy bucket to the sink, emptied it and put it away, he called the boy over.

"Here," he shoved a stack of sandwiches in his hands, "go to your room and don't let Sirius see you."

The black eyes locked into his and he was uncomfortably reminded of the Potions Master. "Go away," he shouted, "leave me alone!"

The six years old scurried off towards the attic, cradling the precious food.

"I'm going to spend a few days with Ron at the Burrow," Harry announced over lunch. They had already discussed this long before the Holidays and Sirius nodded.

"Gives me time to decorate and hide your presents," he joked.

Harry smiled. Presents. Decorations. Real holiday.

"I'll probably be back before the weekend," he said, grabbing an overnight bag and heading to the Floo.

ssssssss

Severus grabbed his sore head and reeled from the impact. Sirius pulled him up roughly.

"I told you to get these chores done before dinnertime," he snarled, "can't you do anything right?" he slapped the child around again.

"No food for you again, then," he curled his lip, "get out of my sight." He ignored the longing look the boy cast at the food on the table, but he did catch the trembling lip.

"Going to cry again, Snivellus?" he taunted, as he aimed a kick at the small backside. It connected with considerable force and the boy suppressed a yelp. All he could do was make his way upstairs with all haste and not let the man see his tears.

Sirius eyed the table happily. It was perfect. Tonight Harry would be back from the Weasleys, in fact he was expecting his godson any minute now. Sure enough, moments later the Floo opened and Harry stepped out, tanned and smiling brightly.

"Hi Siri," he greeted his godfather, "Molly and Arthur say hello."

Sirius embraced the boy. "I hope you had a good time and a few Quidditch games," he enthused, "come, I have dinner ready, you must tell me all about it."

After a pleasant dinner, Sirius went to take care of a Boggart that had taken up residence in a cellar closet. Harry started the dishes. The dark-haired boy snuck into the kitchen, quietly helping with the plates.

"Throw that away," Harry instructed, but the boy held on to the plate with a few pathetic leftovers.

"Please?" he begged.

Harry frowned. He knew that look all too well. On impulse, he grabbed a clean plate, put some food from the pans onto it and shoved it into the child's hands.

"Leftovers are for dogs," he said, not knowing Sirius had told the child the same thing on the few occasions he had allowed him a few scraps of food, "Sit and eat this."

Severus dug into the food, shovelling it into his mouth with his bare hands, afraid that it would be taken away from him again. Sure enough, Sirius soon entered the kitchen and glared at the boy.

"Shall we play a game of chess, Harry?" he asked, "you go set up the game, I'll finish this."

As soon as his godson left the kitchen with a slightly wary glance, he pulled the plate away from the boy and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"Obnoxious little beast," he shook the boy, "disgusting snake."

He dragged the boy upstairs and shoved him under a cold shower, clothes and all. Then he threw him into his room and locked the door.

"Tomorrow is Christmas. I MAY let you out the day after, if I don't hear a thing from you until then," he threatened.

It would be four days before the boy was let out to do his chores.

sssssssssss

By the end of the holidays, Sirius, Harry and the small Potions Master returned to Dumbledore's office where the antidote had finally arrived.

"Ah, hello my boys," he greeted merrily, "It seems you will have to say goodbye already."

He motioned the child closer and handed him a vial. Severus drank it down. His body shimmered and shortly afterwards the adult Snape stood where the child had been. Dark eyes regarded the Headmaster dispassionately, devoid of any emotion.

"That went well," Dumbledore nodded, pleased. "Now, I think you have something to say to Sirius and Harry, don't you, Severus?"

"Go to hell, Black," Severus said, not vindictive or snarling, but calm and without any feeling at all.

"SEVERUS!" Dumbledore thundered.

"He hit me. He starved me," Severus hardly moved.

"Severus! What a horrible thing to say," Dumbledor exclaimed, "apologise immediately."

"He…he abused me," the Potions Master turned to his mentor with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Of course not," Dumbledore shook his head, "Sirius would never do anything to a child. You owe him and Harry your gratitude for sacrificing their holiday for you. A thank you would be appropriate."

The Potions Masters eyes closed off completely. He quietly moved to the office door and went through, presumably to his dungeons.

"I am sorry, Sirius. You know how difficult he can be sometimes," Dumbledore apologised.

Sirius shrugged. "He'll come round."

"I will make sure he does," the old wizard promised.

Harry shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"I am leaving now," Sirius announced, "Are you coming, Harry? You can take the train back tomorrow with your friends."

"I…no, I think I'll stay here now," Harry replied, "I'm here now anyway."

"That is fine," Dumbledore assured him, "I hope you got to know Sirius a lot better this holiday, Harry."

Harry lowered his eyes to the floor. "I think I did, Sir," he whispered emotionally.

"Well then, you can go to your Tower and Sirius, Remus will stop by Grimmauld Place soon, he told me," the old wizard smiled as the two said goodbye.

Several hours later he was disturbed by a knock to his office door. Harry entered, nervous and clearly upset.

"What is it, my boy?" the Headmaster asked, "lemon drop?"

"No thank you, sir. I wanted…I…I think…I….have to tell you some things," Harry stammered, "about the holidays."

Dumbledore put his quill down. "What about the holidays, Harry?"

"I didn't think at first that it was strange, since the Dursleys did the same to me," Harry said in a hurry, "but I remembered how I used to feel and I think…I didn't want to let Sirius down…"

"Of course not," Dumbledore nodded, "did Sirius do something to worry you?"

"To Professor Snape," Harry whispered, "He never hit him when I was around, but I saw bruises…and he often forgot to feed him, I know. One time he, Snape, was gone for four days…Christmas it was. Sirius said you had collected him to celebrate Christmas here."

Dumbledore had paled significantly. "No, I did not collect Severus," he said clearly, "I gave Sirius money to buy him a present. What else, Harry?"

The boy squirmed uncomfortably. "Sirius called him 'Snivellus' all the time and lots of other names. He always was saying what a good for nothing nuisance he was…and after I came back from the Weasleys I saw bruises on his face often, and he was thinner. I didn't want to believe it…"

The Headmaster rested his head in his hands. "And I wanted to make him thank Sirius…make him apologize…Oh Merlin...I must go check on him…"

With that he got up. Casting a last glance at the distraught boy, he patted a bony shoulder reassuringly. "I know this was difficult for you, Harry. It was a good thing you still did it."

Rushing off the the dungeons, the Headmaster entered the rooms belonging to his Potions Master, only to find a grim looking nurse and a pale Deputy Headmistress in the living room.

"Headmaster," Poppy said, "I did not think you would get my message this fast."

"Message?" Dumbledore repeated, "what message? Is Severus ill?"

Minerva took his hand. "Albus…"

"It was a poison cocktail," the nurse shook her head, "a highly effective one. It took me three hours to more or less stabilize him, but I do not dare move him yet. I had to put a Bezoar under his tongue and inject him with a Bezoar extract and still he needed several antidotes as well. I'm not even sure at this point that he will wake up again…"

The Headmaster stared at her. "Do you mean…Severus…"

"He tried to commit suicide, Albus," Minerva said softly, "I found him when I came by to bring him the staff meeting notes. I immediately called Poppy, but we didn't have time to send you a message until we had stabilized him. I sent a memo a few minutes ago."

"I was already on my way down here," the Headmaster was close to shaking as he approached the bedroom door, "I want to see him…"

The nurse silently nodded and he walked in, gasping at the sight of the pale young man on the bed. A little blood flecked his face. His chest barely rose and fell, and Dumbledore could feel the spells that kept him stabile.

"If you could put him in a Stasis spell, Albus, we would be able to transport him to the infirmary where I have a lot more resources at hand," the nurse quietly checked pulse and temperature, "he did a very thorough job this time," she sighed, "only minutes later…"

"This time?" Dumbledore squeeked.

"He tried this too when he was sixteen," Poppy said matter-of-factly, "after he and the Marauders were caught outside at the full moon. He lived under monitor spells for most of his sixth year because he couldn't be trusted not to try again. I suppose I will have to put them back now…or rather, you will have to, since he has grown far too strong for mine – he would break them even without his wand."

The old wizard carefully rested a hand on the dark, damp hair. "I will put the Stasis spell on him now," he sighed, "lets get the private room ready in the infirmary, Poppy."

sssssssss

Severus wondered why everything hurt so much. Then again, he was probably in hell. Everything was supposed to hurt when you're in hell, right?

He moved a little, trying to get his eyes to open. A hand rested on his forehead and stroked hair from his face – that was strange. He had never heard of the demons of hell being gentle and caring. Huh. Must be a new policy.

"Severus?"

Dumbledore took a thin spidery hand in his own. "Come, my boy, wake up. You can do it. That's right, open your eyes all the way."

The Headmaster felt a surge of guilt at the terror in the black eyes when he was recognized, but he smiled encouragingly.

"Good boy. Poppy will be pleased. Nurse Pomfrey!" Dumbledore called into the ward where a few youngsters were recovering from a hexing incident, "He's awake!"

The nurse immediately rushed into the room. "Oh my, you are right! That is wonderful."

She ran a few scans and her face relaxed. "And doing well, too. No, hush, your voice will be hoarse for a while and you should try not to talk too much yet. Do you want a drink?"

A tired nod. The nurse got a glass of juice with some potions added, and Dumbledore carefully helped Severus sit up to drink. A few sips, and sleep overtook him again, but the Potions Master regaining consciousness and being able to understand them heartened the two.

"It will be a long way yet, Albus," Poppy cautioned as she fussed over the younger man, tucking in his blankets and making certain he was comfortable, "I am afraid that he won't be returning to teach and his….other duties…anytime soon."

"His other duties have ended," Dumbledore said firmly, "I will not allow him to perform them any longer. As for teaching, I'll arrange a substitute. Since I bear most of the blame for this, he will stay with me while he recovers."

Poppy frowned, having heard the entire story over the many days they had sat guard over the young wizard together.

"I'm sorry, Albus, for putting it so bluntly, but he is terrified and has no reason to trust you."

"I know," Dumbledore sighed, "I will apologise to him next time he wakes up a little longer. I know this is just the beginning."

The nurse nodded. It would be a long, rocky road, but the Potions Master was alive, that's what mattered.

sssssssss

When Severus woke up again, the Headmaster was sitting next to his bed, nodding uncomfortably in the chair. Confused, he looked around. Why was the old man here?

Oh. Of course. Committing suicide was something the Headmaster undoubtedly frowned upon. He wasn't allowed to make any decisions on his own life after all. If this kept him out of commission for too long, he wouldn't be able to spy and teach. His usefulness had probably already ended, so the Headmaster was here to express his displeasure before sending him to Azkaban.

Dumbledore opened his eyes, not really rested after his short nap, and noticed in surprise that Severus was awake again. The lips still had a bluish tint to them, due to the poison weakening his lungs, and the face showed pure terror.

"Hello, my boy," the Headmaster greeted softly, "are you thirsty?"

No real response was forthcoming, but Dumbledore still carefully lifted the Potions Master in his arm while letting him sip from a glass with the other.

"I am so very sorry, Severus," he whispered into the dark hair, "I should have believed you. I can never make this up to you, but I am going to try."

The body in the circle of his arm trembled a little but Severus still did not react to him. He sighed.

"I'll call Poppy to check you over," he took care not to let his disappointment over this silent treatment show. It would not help Severus any.

The nurse tsk'ed and fussed, but declared Severus was making good progress, health wise.

"And you, Headmaster, are going to bed," she ordered, "You've been here for three days. Naps in a chair do not count as 'rest'! Minerva will be here any minute now."

"You'll call…" the old wizard began.

"Of course. Go to bed, Albus."

Severus watched the exchange. His mind was a bit clearer than last time he woke up, and he didn't miss that the Headmaster had apparently spent days at his side. It was too much for him to dwell on, but the comment stuck in the back of his mind.

As predicted by the nurse, shortly after the Headmaster left, the Transfiguration Professor entered, carrying a book.

"Hello Severus," she leaned over to kiss his forehead, which surprised him. Minerva, while generally pleasant and kind, was not overly demonstrative. She too, did not appear to be angry, which was even more startling.

"M-Minerva," he managed in greeting. His voice barely reached a whisper and he croaked like Longbottom's old toad.

"Right here, Severus, and staying for at least the afternoon," the witch patted his hand as she took the comfy chair Albus had deserted only minutes before, "do you want me to read to you?"

He shook his head, determined to get a few answers. "Albus said…" he managed.

"What did he say?" the witch encouraged him to continue.

"He said…sorry…" Severus eyed his colleague apprehensively.

"He is sorry, Severus. He knows now what Sirius Black did to you," Minerva almost sweated. This would likely be a very difficult conversation, one she was not exactly prepared to have.

"How?" Severus lowered his eyes, "didn't believe me…"

"Harry came forward," the witch explained slowly, keeping her eyes on the pale face for any sign of a bad reaction, "he told the whole story."

"Potter…"

"Harry feels very guilty and is very sorry for what happened, Severus," Minerva wondered if she should have mentioned that. Harry's feelings and guilt were her and Albus's problem – definitely not Severus's.

"Potter…not so bad…" Snape's eyes began to close again, his very small energy supply depleted, "gave me food…didn't hit me…"

Minerva picked up the book, one of Severus's favourites that she retrieved from his room, and began to read to him until he was fully asleep and even long after.

"I don't understand, Poppy," she complained later, "he didn't appear angry with Harry, but he won't speak to Albus. He has not mentioned trying to kill himself at all – although I must admit the conversation was brief and he wasn't awake long enough to cover all ground."

"And he won't for a long time," the nurse patiently replied, "as to Mr Potter – compared to Sirius Black Harry was a saint to him. When Harry was around, the worst of the abuse stopped. It is – perhaps not quite Stockholm syndrome, since Harry was part victim, part accomplice, but to Severus he was part of the package, so to speak. He was dependant upon Mr Potter, who at the very least, fed him and protected him from the excesses of Mr Black's abuse. It is very possible that once he recovers a little more, he will begin to grow angry with him."

The nurse paused and frowned. "As to Albus – Severus is terrified of Albus. He is dependant upon Albus also, but Albus has NOT treated him kindly. Right now he is, but Severus is merely waiting for the other shoe to drop, if I read him right. I am no student of psychology, Minerva, but I would say it is entirely possible that Severus is actually incapable of talking to Albus at this point."

ssssssss

They had hired a mind healer, Aidan Lythe, put him under all kinds of oaths, tested him with Veritaserum (at his own suggestion) and Legilimency, interrogated him in a manner that would make Moody proud and finally concluded he was safe.

Since both Harry and Severus would need his services, it was decided Aidan would visit three times a week to speak with them. The Healer was also given all information leading up to the recent crisis as far as they knew them, including the Headmasters actions. The Healer naturally expressed his concern about Severus staying in the Headmasters quarters during his recovery.

"I know it is not ideal," Poppy Pomfrey said, ignoring a glare from Dumbledore, "but he needs to be kept safe not only from himself, but also from outside attacks. We've already seen that St Mungo's is hardly safe."

"And Hogwarts is, Madam Pomfrey, with the children of his enemies walking the halls daily? Forced into being locked in with his greatest tormentor? Forgive me, Headmaster, but this is not the time for mincing words. Severus is not entirely capable of making his own choices right now, but that does not mean he shouldn't be given a choice."

"I want to make it up to him, by taking care of him!" The Headmaster protested.

"This is not about what YOU want or need, Headmaster," the Healer shook his head in frustration, "it is about what Severus needs. You may feel the need to purge yourself of your guilt, but you can walk around with it a little longer. I daresay it will do you some good. I will speak with Severus and present him with the options – does he want to go back to his rooms under monitor spells, stay with you, Headmaster, or come with me to St Mungo's secure ward. I will explain the pros and cons of each option with him and then his wishes will ultimately decide where he will go."

"As for Harry, I plan to speak with him too this afternoon, and I will meet you again at 5 to discuss their treatment."

ssssssssss

Aidan returned at five, looking troubled. Minerva and Poppy anxiously awaited what he would say.

"I first spoke with Severus," the Healer began, "I briefly touched his suicide attempt but it is plain what the reasons for that are and we will work through it later. For now, he has elected to, at least temporarily, stay at St Mungo's."

"_So these are your options, Severus," the Healer softly explained, "it depends on what you prefer. You can choose to come to St Mungo's first, for example, and return, under monitor charms if I deem it necessary, to your own rooms a little later."_

"_I am…not safe…anywhere," Severus whispered, defeated, "might as well…sign my death warrant…now. Defenceless…"_

"_You will not be wandless, Severus." Aidan frowned, "has that happened to you before? You will have your wand, only we will put tracking charms and binders on it so you cannot hurt yourself with it. You will be able to cast offensive spells when needed. To leave you defenceless would be very unwise indeed. If you elect to stay in the Headmasters rooms, you would have your wand also."_

_Severus snorted. "As if…I would be…allowed."_

_He was quiet for a bit, thinking. The Healer gave him all the time he needed to come to a decision._

"_Minerva…Poppy…allowed to...visit?" he asked. Upon receiving a nod, he continued. "Then…St Mungo's."_

"He not only refuses to speak to you, Headmaster, but also about you beyond that brief comment about not being allowed to keep his wand if he were in your care. I will be taking him to St Mungo's when I leave here, Madam Pomfrey. You and Professor McGonagall will be given a pass so you can visit him whenever you wish."

Dumbledore covered his face in his hands, a tear running down his cheek into his beard. The Deputy Headmistress looked over at him with some sorrow in her eyes before turning back to the Healer.

"And Harry?"

Aidan bit his lip. "I am filing child abuse charges with the Muggle authority, as is my duty. Whether or not I press them against the school as well depends on what you tell me now."

"You cannot," Dumbledore protested, "Harry must return to his relatives."

"Don't be ridiculous," the Healer snapped, "of course he won't be returning. Do you have any idea what they DID? The reason it took Harry so long to see that Severus was being abused by his godfather is that he never knew any better, because that is exactly how his relatives have treated HIM! This is not a discussion, Dumbledore! The only reason I haven't pressed charges against you yet is to give you a chance to explain. Don't even think about Obliviating me," he continued when he saw the tip of a wand, "I am well protected against such spells."

"Albus!" Poppy gasped, "what do you think you are doing?"

"It is for the greater good, Poppy. Mr Potter must return to his family's home to ensure the blood protection remains active."

"If you leave him there, pretty soon he won't have any blood left to protect," the Healer grimly stated, "Harry does not go back. If you cannot ensure his safety here, I will take him to St Mungo's along with Severus. Do not forget you do not have guardianship over the boy. With his Muggle relatives in jail, guardianship will revert to the Ministry – who, at this point in time, are probably none too willing to allow you a say in what happens to Harry, but who certainly won't object to MY claim to guardianship based on the evidence I can give."

He eyed the three seriously. "So what will it be? Will Harry remain here, never to return to his relatives, or do I have to get the Ministry involved?"

He left the office only minutes later with assurances from the witches that Harry would indeed be kept safe.

sssssssss

Severus sat up in bed, surveying his new surroundings. The trip to St Mungo's had been uneventful but tiring.

True to his word, the Healer had returned his wand to him, albeit with the promised restrictions. Even so, it was far better than he could expect at Hogwarts. He was in the secure area of St Mungo's, down in the basement, though spells on the walls gave the impression of windows looking out upon a nice garden. Even fragrances of the various greenery drifted by from time to time.

The room was large, with a bed, a table and chair and a few comfortable chairs arranged around a low coffee table. A specially trained House Elf would bring him his meals and whatever else he needed but knew to keep anything remotely dangerous away from him.

Visitors had to check in with security on the ground floor, then go to the basement using their pass, after that undergo a magical signature check. Only then could they enter the secure wing where a Healer awaited them to make absolutely sure the person belonging to the signature and pass was in fact the person who had just entered.

Healer Lythe had briefly mentioned that if Harry Potter had chosen to, he would have been housed here as well but the boy had preferred to remain at Hogwarts with his friends.

Pushing the thought of the boy aside for the moment, Severus closed his eyes. Safe. If only for a little while, he was finally safe.

sssssssss

Minerva McGonagall went through security before walking briskly into the corridor leading to Severus's room. Sounds of crashing objects reached her ears when she was only barely past the hall doors. Aidan Lythe came towards her from the small kitchen.

"Hello Minerva. I'm not sure this is a good time to visit – he is a tad bit upset."

"I gathered as much," the witch remarked dryly, "what is he demolishing?"

"He is attempting to demolish cups and plates that have been charmed to be unbreakable. I must say he is doing a better job than most – he managed to chip some."

"What brought this about?" the transfigurations professor questioned as they moved towards the room.

"We discussed Albus Dumbledore," the Healer sighed, "I knew that would trigger some very strong reactions…or I hoped it would. I guess I got my wish."

"Albus still insists that Severus would be better off with him in his apartment. He wants to talk to Severus."

"He needs to learn that after what's happened, it is up to Severus to take the initiative," Lythe shrugged, "and Severus is nowhere near ready. Although, I believe, he is nearly ready to meet with Harry."

"Harry? After all that's happened over the holidays?" Minerva raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes, Harry. Severus bears the boy no real ill will beyond the reminder of his father and godfather, which we have been working on. Harry did at least attempt to treat the young Severus decently. Furthermore, it is also in Harry's interest to see Severus sooner rather than later. Harry needs to apologise and explain why he had such a hard time acknowledging the abuse that was going on or he will have no peace from his own guilt. What of Sirius Black, anyway?"

Minerva bit her lip. The question of what to do with the Animagus had kept them busy for a long time. Sirius steadfastly refused to admit that he had abused the boy Severus, stating that he merely tried to educate Snape on how to treat his students. It was Snape's own fault, he had remarked more than once, and he certainly didn't get any more than he deserved. No one was bothered by the feud between them in the past, so there could be no reason to be upset now. Even Remus Lupin, who wanted to believe his friend but unfortunately had too much of a brain to do so, was sometimes baffled with the coldness and obtuseness of his one-time best friend.

Sirius remained locked in Grimmauld Place for the time being. Poppy Pomfrey strongly advocated sending him back to Azkaban and the Kiss, but that was just her overprotective nature speaking. She would not willingly send anyone to those foul creatures. No one could deny, however, that letting Sirius off would destroy Severus and teach Black nothing at all. Albus had tried to argue that the twelve years Sirius spent innocently in Azkaban were payment enough but he had been outvoted. It was tragic that Sirius was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, but that would not excuse him of his wrongdoings from that moment on.

At her silence, the Healer, who had been told the entire story of Sirius as well, cast a side-ways glance at her. "I may have a solution, if you haven't found an answer yet," he offered.

"And that is?"

"You know, of course, that over the centuries England sent many prisoners to Australia," the Healer began, "to do hard labour."

"Yes, of course."

"Well, one of them founded a prison farm for wizard criminals who had been banished instead of sent to Azkaban. Over the centuries it has changed into a prison-slash-rehabilitation camp. It would mean Mr Black will be locked up as he deserves while at the same time getting the help he obviously needs as well."

"Harry would not be able to visit him often, so far away," the witch remarked.

"Harry probably will not visit Sirius for some time to come," the Healer informed her, "Harry has many issues to work through, not the least of which is his feeling that Mr Black has abandoned him – that he always was an afterthought to Sirius's plans of revenge. Harry is very much in need of a stable father-figure, but unfortunately I do not see one in his near future."

"What," Minerva smiled, "not thinking of getting him and Severus together for something like a family unit?"

"Heavens no," the Healer nearly paled, "no, not at all. They neither do well in a position of authority over the other. If they come to regard each other as kindred souls at some point I shall be much pleased. No, Severus does not need responsibility for another, he is in just as much need of a stable father-figure himself."

"Albus would jump at the chance," the Transfigurations Professor muttered.

"Note that I said 'stable' father-figure," the Healer remarked dryly, "not one who will abandon him for Gryffindors – no offence – the moment they come in sight. Headmaster Dumbledore needs to work on his own shortcomings quite a bit before I would feel at ease about leaving Severus anywhere near him."

The witch grimaced. "I know what you mean. Even when Albus admits that he has been wrong, he still manages to make it sound like deep down, he was right nevertheless. It infuriates those of us who manage to see through that ploy, and sends the ones who cannot on a guilt trip. And Severus has been too dependant on him for far too long."

"Too true," the Healer nodded, "I do believe the destruction has ended. Shall we go check?"

Upon entering the room, they found Severus sitting in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest and his face resting on his arms. Minerva cast a questioning look at the Healer, who nodded encouragingly.

"Severus?" she asked carefully, squatting down before him.

"'M sorry," was the only thing she could make out from the incoherent mumbling.

"What are you sorry about, Severus?" the Healer asked.

"Yelled at you. Angry with A-Albus…"

"You certainly don't have to be sorry about being angry with Albus," Minerva said passionately, "he is without doubt the most infuriating old man I know."

That made the Potions Master look up.

"He was wrong not to believe you, Severus," the witch continued, "we were both wrong in believing the best of the Gryffindors."

"Not your fault," Snape sighed, "you're their Head of House. You're supposed to."

"Not to the point where it blinds me to the suffering of my other students," Minerva retorted, voice full of remorse, "I am sorry, Severus. It is perfectly alright for you to be angry."

She held out her hand to him, and Severus allowed her to help him up. The three of them relocated to the comfy chairs by the coffee table, where the Healer made them all a cup of tea.

"Aidan…" Severus began.

"Oh, hush," the Healer patted his shoulder, "no need to apologise. That's what I'm here for, you know. Letting you get angry."

"Is…is the Headmaster really sorry, like he said?" Severus asked his colleague. Minerva nodded.

"He is. Of course, he is also still stubbornly convinced only he knows best, but he is truly sorry. When you took that poison, I've never seen him so devastated when he realized what he'd done."

Severus sank back into his chair. "I…he wanted to make me thank B-Black," he managed, "after…after…he didn't believe me. It was just like all those years ago and I was trapped. Black just stood there looking like he really wanted me around and that he was oh so disappointed I was so hostile. Albus would make me stay with Black again and again and if I protested or fought it would always be my fault. I – couldn't go on anymore, not like that. It would never be any different, would it? I never mattered to him."

The witch couldn't take it anymore. She rushed to his side and put an arm around his shoulders. Severus turned his head into her robes as tears started. The Healer looked sympathetic, but pleased at the same time.

"It's enough now, Severus," Minerva whispered, "Albus has met his match in the combined force of the people looking out for you now."

"But I want him to care," Severus replied brokenly, "I want to matter to him."

"Of course you do," the Healer said softly, "It is normal that you want that. You are, however, no longer completely dependant upon one person anymore, and your happiness and existence do not have to rely on his approval now. We are going to work hard together to help you understand that, so you can decide for yourself if you want to build a relationship with him. But it will be a relationship based on equality, not fear of going to prison."

sssssssss

A pale, thin and tired-looking Harry Potter sat in Lythe's office in the secure wing, not able to look the Potions Master in the eye.

Said Potions Master was equally unable to come face to face with the boy. Healer Lythe nearly smiled at the similarities, but put on his 'professional face'.

"I am glad you could both make it to this meeting," he started, "I think it will be good for you both. Severus – is there anything you'd like to say to Harry?"

The man bit his lip. "I am not angry with Harry, just…"

"Talk to Harry, Severus," the Healer gently admonished.

"I'm not angry with you," Severus redirected his remark, "I mean, you treated me decently, a good deal kinder than I gave you reason to. I – sort of understand that you didn't want to believe…well."

Harry's eyes had opened wide and he gaped at the older man. "But you should be angry with me! I didn't do anything until it was far too late! I might as well have killed you myself!"

Severus shook his head. "That decision was mine, and mine alone, Potter. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with adults who should have known better."

Harry quickly wiped at a tear that threatened to spill. "I didn't know…I mean, the chores and all…my relatives hit me, they starved me and as long as I can remember I did almost all the chores around the house. I gave you food because I know how being starved feels but I should have done more…but I didn't know any different…I'm sorry."

Now it was Severus's turn to gape. "You were left there even though they abused you?"

"Not anymore, Healer Lythe forced the Headmaster into letting me stay at Hogwarts," Harry cast a grateful glance at the Healer.

"And…and…S-Sirius…I didn't want to believe that he was doing…doing those things to you, because then it would mean that he was just like Uncle Vernon. He betrayed me!" Harry cried angrily, "He never cared for me, he escaped to take revenge on Wormtail and now getting revenge on you was more important than anything else. I'm glad he's far away and I never have to see him again!"

That took Severus by surprise. "What…where is he?" he tentatively asked.

"Mr Black has been sent to a prison farm in Australia," the Healer explained, "a rehabilitation camp, if you wish. He will stay there for at least five years, possibly more. He will not be released until the staff assure us he has reformed."

"Oh." Severus paused. "I – I didn't expect him to be punished for what he did…I am glad. I am sorry, Mr Potter, but I cannot help that I am glad I do not have to face him again."

sssssssssss

Minerva wandered into the Order meeting a bit distracted, and half an hour early. She barely noticed the other persons in the room as a cup of coffee materialized before her.

"Minerva? Professor McGonagall?"

She startled and looked up into the dark eyes of Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Oh, I apologise, Kingsley. Can I help you?"

The bald man smiled. "I was just about to ask you the same. You seem preoccupied."

"I am a little," Minerva admitted, "I've been to visit Severus and to get an update on Harry."

"How are they doing?" the Auror asked in concern, "or are you not allowed to say?"

"Not too much. What depresses me is that both of them really are in need of some sort of confidant, someone older that can be a sort of mentor to them. Unfortunately, neither of them have such a person available and both of them have little reason to trust anyone."

Kingsley sighed. "I can see that. Remus Lupin is a good man, but not a _strong_ character. He seems to compensate the aggressiveness of the wolf with his passive attitude in his normal life – he needs guidance, not give it. And he is the only person I could think of that might help Harry. As for Severus…"

"That is even more complex," Minerva nodded. "In Harry's case, Remus is indeed not an option. He would defend Sirius's actions no matter what, which is not something Harry needs right now. Couldn't you have a chat with the lad sometime, Kingsley? I know he once expressed an interest in being an Auror. Perhaps you could talk while you tutor him a bit in Defense at the same time. Merlin knows he needs extra lessons as well with all the attempts at his life, I don't understand why Albus didn't bother to arrange anything for him…"

"Certainly," Kingsley agreed readily, "How about I come in twice a week – say Wednesday and Saturday – for tutoring? I could offer to help him out with that DADA club he set up, too."

"Actually, Hermione seems to have set that up," Minerva grinned, "and she tricked Harry into teaching it. That girl recognizes talent when she sees it. I hope you get along with Harry, Kingsley. He's a good boy but those horrid Dursleys and the constantly changing attitude of the Wizarding World have made sure he has little trust in mankind as a whole."

The wizard pat her shoulder a bit awkwardly. "I will try, Minerva. At the very least I can give him some pointers and keep him occupied. How is Severus doing? Has he recovered from, well…"

"The poisons have gone from his body," Minerva bit her lip. The images of that day when she found Severus, believing him dead, still haunted her. "He will need time to recover, however, both physically and mentally. Albus keeps insisting he would be a suitable guardian for Severus, but oh, Kingsley, you should see it. Severus is so terrified of Albus, and at the same time longs for his approval so much…"

The dark man frowned. "You know, Aberforth, Albus's brother, always struck me as a level-headed man behind the somewhat biting personality. He, of all people, would understand Severus's issues with the Headmaster. It might be worth the effort to find out if he would be interested in visiting. I am afraid," he added apologetically, "that there is no one else I can think of. Mad-Eye isn't exactly a mentor/fatherly type…"

"Oh dear, no," the witch almost laughed out loud at the thought, "can you imagine?"

They shuddered in unison.

sssssssssss

_Professor Snape,_

_Thank you again for what you said when we met. I guess I needed to hear that I am not responsible for everything that happened. I expect at some point you'll still be angry with me – I am angry with me, too. Talking to you helped a great deal though I still feel guilty about not helping you more. I hope you will forgive me one day._

_I am finally getting some tutoring. Kingsley says I should ask you sometime about something called Occlumency, since apparently you are an expert in it. What, exactly, is it? _

_Oh – and Healer Aidan has been telling me (a lot) that what my relatives did to me isn't normal, and it isn't right, and it is not at all my fault. I am not quite sure on that point, but I do know that what Sirius and I did to you was not normal, and not right, and not your fault, and it should never have happened. _

_Sincerely,_

_Harry Potter._

ssssssssss

Severus looked up in surprise when his Healer announced a visitor. It was the middle of the day, not a time when either Poppy or Minerva would normally be dropping by. He closed his book, not paying attention to the page – he hadn't really been reading anyway. His conversation with Harry left him a bit drained, though he had to admit the boy so far had surprised him. First by not abusing him along with his infernal godfather, then by admitting how wrong the treatment he suffered had been. However, the visitor was unlikely to be Harry, as it was a weekday and the boy was undoubtedly in class.

For a moment he panicked when he saw glasses and piercing blue eyes, but Aidan was beside him already, patting his shoulder.

"Easy, Severus. Take a better look."

The old man stepped a little closer. "I am not my brother, boy. I'm the one that is usually called to clean up my brother's messes after him. Aberforth Dumbledore. A pleasure."

Severus did not reach for the extended hand but continued to regard the man with a large amount of distrust. "Did the Headmaster send you?" Half hopeful, half terrified. Aidan was reminded once again how fragile his patient was when it came to this point.

"Matter of fact, Minnie dropped by the pub," Aberforth obviously took no offence at the refusal and sat down calmly in one of the chairs, "Told me what happened. Figured I might be willing to pay you a visit – said you don't get too many visitors and could use the distraction."

"That's why she sends the Headmaster's brother," Severus replied with something of his old biting sarcasm, "as a distraction."

"Well, that's not her only motive of course, but one of them," Aberforth allowed, not at all flustered, "apparently she thinks that since I know Albus best, you'd feel more comfortable with me than with someone hero-worshipping him."

The old man picked up the book Snape had been reading. "Ah, good one, that. You don't strike me as the Jane Austen type, though."

"Minerva left it here," Snape explained, and then blurted out, "Albus said you can't read!"

Uncaring, Aberforth leafed through the pages. "Yes I know, Albus enjoys making me look stupid to people. It's a good tactic, you know. Since I know him best and have the most dirt on him, making me look silly and untrustworthy is a good way to keep people from believing me. Is he still suggesting I do unsanitary things to goats, too?"

"He mentions illegal enchantments once in a while," Snape slowly sat down in a chair as well. The Healer, reassured that nothing violent would occur, retreated to his office where he could work. Monitor spells would alert him if anything went wrong.

"Can't say I haven't done my share of shady deals," Aberforth shrugged, "but honestly, what would I be charming goats for? And how would I have finished Hogwarts if I weren't able to read and write? No, boy, I may have been a wild child but it's been a century and a half, almost, since I was a small lad. Not to mention most of my shady deals were for the benefit of the Order."

Severus relaxed marginally, sitting back in his chair instead of remaining on the edge of it. "I am not…not sure what to feel…about the Headmaster."

Aberforth smiled wryly. "Me neither, boy, and I've had considerably longer to try and figure it out. A hundred and forty years ago since I broke his nose…"

"YOU broke his nose?" Severus gawked, "We always assume it happened while he was fighting Grindelwald, or something….something…"

"Heroic?" Aberforth supplied helpfully, "of course he would not correct the impression. Truth is I broke his nose in a fit of well-justified rage. That is probably where the pattern started, you know. People didn't know why, and only saw poor brave Albus not even lifting a finger to defend himself against his insane wild brother. I think you know that feeling."

"Insane, bitter Severus tearing into poor innocent Black," the younger man whispered, "yes, I know. At least he couldn't send YOU to Azkaban for acting up, Mr Dumbledore."

"Ugh," Aberforth grimaced, "leave off with the Mr Dumbledore. Abe is fine. No, he couldn't send me to prison, but he built his reputation at the cost of mine. Or did you think tending bar in a shady pub was a lifelong ambition of mine ever since I started Hogwarts?"

Severus looked away. "I still want him to care, and acknowledge that I tried…"

"Of course you do," Abe replied, his eyes softening, "after all these decades, I still dream of that too. We may accomplish it yet, but Albus is far too fickle and manipulative to trust with our well-being, lad. The best way to build a relationship with my brother is when there is nothing at stake. When you don't need him for any kind of support, but want to build a relationship purely for the sake of the relationship. Then, if it doesn't work out, you can simply back away without going to pieces. You are not at that point yet, Sev…mind if I call you that? I was never one for long names."

Snape looked away.

"Now, enough of the seriousness," Aberforth cheerfully announced, "I brought a couple of butterbeers and the Daily Prophet crossword that I never am able to finish. Minerva tells me you're the best person to ask."

Within minutes, one grey and one dark head were bent over the scrap of paper, oblivious to the obviously pleased Healer that walked by the room from time to time.

sssssssssssss

_Mr Potter,_

_Occlumency is the art of closing one's mind against intrusion. Auror Shacklebolt ( I assumed it is him you referred to when you mentioned 'Kingsley') is quite right that it could be a useful skill for you to learn. It does require patience and practice. There is a book in Hogwarts Restricted Section (I am certain that when you show her this letter, Professor McGonagall will write you a pass) that will help you on your way._

_I shall undoubtedly at some point experience anger and you are all too aware that I am quite capable of expressing it towards you. The fact remains that despite the abuse, you treated me at least halfway decent, and given your background it is not surprising that you did not interfere sooner. _

_Do make the most of your tutoring – Auror Shacklebolt is apparently using his free time to train you. Make it worth his while. Your mother was quite the strong witch – you must have inherited more from her than just your eyes. Now is the time to prove it._

_S. Snape._


	2. Chapter 2

Professor Snape,

_Professor Snape,_

_I have the book. Professor McGonagall supplied me with the permission slip for the Restricted Section, but made it excruciatingly clear that if I were to abuse the privilege, she would have me in detention until I leave school. Before you laugh, she also said if you were to encourage me in taking other books than the one you specifically mentioned she'd drop by your place to stick your nose in the corner for the rest of the day. Her words, not mine! It really is shameful how little trust she has in us. Perhaps we should ask Aidan to take the matter up with her._

_Meanwhile, the book is really helping though I don't quite understand how to 'clear my mind'. Is there something I should do? Some meditation technique? Muggles have Yoga and stuff. Perhaps something like that?_

_Kingsley is a good teacher, and nice too. A lot better than Umbridge. Fortunately, when I mentioned her using a blood quill, Aidan stormed off to Professor McGonagall and took matters up with the Ministry. There has been an inquiry, other students testified and she was sentenced to two years in Azkaban. The Auror department has sent Kingsley 'on loan' to teach DADA until a replacement has been found. It is rather quiet around the castle with no one trying to kill me._

_The Slytherins seem to miss you a lot. Last night, Draco Malfoy even managed to be civil to me long enough to ask if I knew how you were doing. Said Professor McGonagall was wary to give out any information regarding you, so I didn't say anything either and just said that you would probably write if you were able. After you took ill, the other teachers are not putting up with much obvious bullying of Slytherins. They do still seem put out, though – at least Professor Trelawny was outvoted as a substitute Head of Slytherin. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! It would be good for them if you could write them._

_Sincerely,_

_Harry._

"Potter."

Harry turned around, just on his way back from his Wednesday session with Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Malfoy."

"Professor Snape wrote to us." Malfoy seemed unsettled, "to say will be gone for probably most of this year but is doing well. Thanks, I guess."

"Who says I had anything to do with it, Malfoy. Who would believe it, anyway?"

The blonde eyed him shrewdly. "I talk to McGonagall, nothing happens. I talk to you, and the Professor writes to us. All of us have learned from early on that with you, nothing is a coincidence."

Harry shrugged, not knowing how to respond.

"As long as you seem to have some influence," Malfoy continued stiffly, clearly having to overcome a great deal to ask Harry for anything else, "could you ask your Weasel friends to lay off the firsties? Us older ones can handle dangerous stuff, but we're not always around to protect the little ones."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Two first years ended up in the hospital wing because of their gags," Malfoy kicked an imaginary pebble, "the other firsties are too frightened to walk about the school on their own. Some of us have suggesting targeting the Gryffindor first years but Professor Snape has always expressedly forbidden older years to do anything to the children."

"That would just result in an all-out war," Harry understood, "Look, I'm not – I'm not in any of these pranks, Malfoy. I have enough on my hands as it is. I don't need any more hostility in my life. So, how about a truce? I try and get my friends to lay off, and you try to stop your House from any retaliation. We just – happily ignore each other."

"Fine. At least until Professor Snape is back. Then we'll see what happens."

sssssssss

Harry stormed back into the Gryffindor Common Room to find the twins and Ginny busy on some scheme.

"You put two children in the hospital wing!" he accused, glaring.

"Yeah, wasn't it brilliant? Little snakes didn't know what happened to them," Fred gloated.

"It was dangerous and mean! Slytherin has enough problems with their Head of House gone! Leave them alone, especially the firsties."

Three baffled faces stared up at him. "Of course not, Harry. Snape isn't here to dock points or hand out detentions – never a better time than the present!"

Harry folded his arms and frowned. "You stop harassing them or I'll write your mother."

That got a reaction. Horrified at the prospect, the three glanced at each other. Then Fred began to laugh.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. Blackmail. Such Slytherin tactics, you want to be careful with that."

"I'm not joking, Fred. You will leave them alone or I will write your mother. I swear."

He stormed up to his dorm to shower and read his Occlumency book before he went to sleep.

"Is he serious?" Ginny asked, surprised by Harry's backbone.

"Nah, of course not," the twins grinned, "Come, lets get on with our latest prank…"

ssssssssss

"What on earth is a manicurist's ship?" Aberforth sighed.

"A nailclipper," Severus answered absentmindedly.

"Darn," Abe wrote down the word on the magical crossword he was doing. The thing immediately erased any wrong answers, and he whooped in joy when it remained on the paper.

"That is the last time I do the light version with you," Abe complained, "it is far too depressing. What are you doing, anyway?"

"Writing a letter to my House. Encouraging them. Things aren't easy for Slytherins at Hogwarts, and with no Head of House present…"

"So Albus is wrong about you favouring them?" Aberforth doodled on the crossword, which let out an indignant cry at this vandalism.

"Oh, no. I do favour them. And I am probably – no, I am certainly unfair to Gryffindors sometimes. Neville Longbottom, especially, deserves a lot better. You know as well as I do, though, that I have a reputation to maintain if I am to continue my activities in the Order…"

"Albus does not want you to return to those particular activities," Aberforth said, "Hasn't Minerva told you?"

"Albus will change his mind once I am back and he needs information," Snape said, deceptively calm.

"Has he called?" Abe eyed his left arm suspiciously.

"A few times," Severus admitted, "He has undoubtedly heard I am on leave of absence, but no one knows why, exactly. When I was de-aged, it was reported quickly and he did not summon me those weeks. He called the night I…the night I took the poison but I ignored it. I am not certain he will let me live when I do respond."

Aberforth stood up and loomed over the younger man. "You. Will. Not. Respond." He growled, "it is too late now to return even if any of us were going to let you."

"Albus…"

"You are not going back. Albus agrees with that, but even if he didn't, you are not going back."

"The Order needs…"

Aberforth pulled the Potions Master from his chair and shook him. "No. You do not return under any circumstances. If I am not convinced that you will heed us, you do not leave here. The Order has relied on a few efficient members long enough – Moody and the elder Weasley boys have been investigating some Muggle information-gathering methods we can use. It is NOT all up to you, Sev. We have need of your potion skills, of your inside knowledge on how the Death Eaters operate, of your brains. You are far too valuable to the Order. Slytherin House needs you. Not to mention Minnie and Poppy would have my head if I allowed anything to happen to you!"

He let go of Snape and smiled at his confused face. "Besides, who is going to help me with this blasted crossword? No one I know is halfway decent at solving those things!"

"I'm free of the Dark Lord, too?" Snape rubbed his forearm, "not just Albus…I'm free from both of them?"

Amazement was replaced with depression. "No, neither of them would allow it."

"Yes, you are free from them," Aberforth stressed, "Out of danger, no. No one can promise that. Still, it is about time the entire Wizarding World starts working, instead of waiting for a schoolboy to save us. You've done more than your share, let someone else have a go now."

sssssssssss

The prank on the Slytherins during the now poorly supervised Potions Class was a major success, according to the pranksters. Fred, George and Ginny happily high-fived when they heard the strange deformities Madam Pomfrey had to relieve the Slytherins of.

Their happiness lasted until at dinner that evening, THREE Howlers arrived in the middle of the Hall.

FRED WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU ABUSE A SITUATION THAT IS HORRIBLE ENOUGH AS IT IS! ATTACKING CHILDREN! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! IF I HEAR OF ONE MORE INCIDENT, YOU WILL SPEND THE SUMMER CLEANING THE BURROW WITH A TOOTHBRUSH, THE MUGGLE WAY, SUNRISE TO SUNSET.

The other two were very similar. Betrayal was clearly painted on the three faces when they sought out Harry. Who did nothing but shrug.

"I told you what I would do if you didn't stop. Not my fault you can't recognize a warning when you hear one."

From the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy and his friends smiled in satisfaction.

At the Head Table, Albus Dumbledore's eyes had long stopped twinkling. "I should have protected those children," he muttered, "instead of leaving it to Harry to step in."

He chewed on a bit of beard without noticing. "Sirius is in jail, Harry and Severus want nothing to do with me, most of the school doesn't trust me and the remaining House believes I will let them get away with murder. Something has gone horribly wrong."

ssssssssss

_Potter,_

_Yoga? What in Merlin's name were you thinking? Put those brains to use. Muggles don't have magic. Occlumency is a form of magic. It is your magic that must be taught to form a shield inside your head, like a Protego shield protects your body. The first time often occurs spontaneously as the mind is being attacked, but it can be trained without that. As the most experienced Occlumens are the Headmaster and myself, I think you will prefer the second option._

_What imbecilic dunderhead came up with TRELAWNY, of all people, as my substitute? It is a good thing she was rejected by the rest of the staff – I am uncertain whether her attempts to lead my House would have been lethal to her, the House, or perhaps even both. _

_I have been informed of your truce with my House and your attempts to curb the enthusiasm of your friends to take advantage of my absence. Shocking, to say the least. Especially the way you went about it. So very Slytherin of you._

_S.Snape._

sssssssssssssss

_Harry,_

_I have conveyed our sorrow to Professor McGonagall regarding her lack of trust in us. I regret to say she was completely unimpressed and merely repeated her previous threats. Aidan seems unwilling to work with her – he was preoccupied with laughing his head off. We are on our own, I fear._

_As it turns out, Aberforth Dumbledore is also quite skilled at Occlumency and Legilimency. I have gotten to know him over the past weeks and am assured he is trustworthy. If it is agreeable to you and Kingsley, please stop by at 10 this Saturday morning. We can have an Occlumency lesson then and talk to Aidan in the afternoon. Aberforth will visit you the following week to see how you have improved._

_S. Snape_

ssssssssss

"Severus." Aidan leaned forward in his chair, "Albus asks for your permission to visit you."

Severus flinched. "Are you going to let him?"

"It is your choice, Severus. If you do not want to see him, he will not be allowed. If you want to see him, but not on your own, we will arrange for that. You just tell me what you need."

"I don't want to feel so miserable again," Severus shivered, "I don't want to…to…"

He took a deep breath and after an encouraging nod from the Healer continued, "He would remind me of what it was like, standing in his office, and then going down with no other option than to die quickly by my own hand, or slowly by Black's."

Staring into the distance out of the window, or rather, at the enchanted wall, he bit his lip. "I know there are several other ways I could have handled it, but at that moment I didn't see any of them. What if he hurts me again and I forget everything you've told me?"

Aidan nodded his understanding. "You won't have to be alone with him, if you do decide to meet with him, Severus. I can arrange to be there, if you wish Aberforth, Minerva or Poppy will be more than happy to come, too. If you don't want to meet with him at all, we'll make that very clear to him. You don't have to do anything you are not ready for."

Personally, the Healer felt unhappy with the prospect of giving the Headmaster any space in Severus' life. If he was honest, he had to admit it was mainly because he simply did not like Albus Dumbledore. He had his patient's wellbeing in mind of course; but Severus, despite his terror and inability to trust the Headmaster, did crave a relationship with the man who for many years, had been the closest thing to a father-figure he knew.

That was what worried him. As far as he could tell, the Hogwarts Headmaster was incapable of being a stable mentor figure to anyone, and would most likely never be. The man regarded the people around him, even the ones he did seem to care about, as objects whose sole reason for existing was to serve as tools in his plans. Empathy and consideration of people's feelings seemed alien to him. Aidan wondered sometimes if in the Muggle world, Albus Dumbledore wouldn't be diagnosed with some sort of autistic disorder. He was sorely tempted to test the theory.

"Before I left Hogwarts, when I just woke up after drinking the poison, he was with me constantly. He even told me he was sorry," Severus was still hesitant, "but that's what he said after the Shrieking Shack too, and he still let Black stay in school with barely a slap on the wrist for punishment. He wouldn't have done anything at all about Black if you and Minerva had not stepped in, would he? He would have said those twelve years in Azkaban should be enough punishment for whatever Black will do in the rest of his life."

Stunned, for this was exactly what Dumbledore had argued, and at the same time pleased that his patient no longer had the desperate need to defend the Headmaster, the Healer kept quiet, letting the Potions Master think.

"It is probably a good idea to see him, but not alone," Severus closed his eyes briefly, "I know it is childish, but I need to know that most people in the room would be on my side for a change. Could you be here, at least? Please?"

"Of course, Severus. I am certain Minerva and Aberforth will want to be here, too."

Severus smiled. "I'd like it if Abe came. I wish I had bothered to get to know him before, but from what the Headmaster said about his brother…I wish I had been wiser. It must have been quite a lonely life for Abe."

"Not as much as you might think," the Healer leaned back, cradling his cup of coffee, "At first Aberforth still had his childhood friends from Hogwarts that knew what he was like – wild, perhaps, but honest and loyal. They didn't fall for the 'loopy brother' routine the Headmaster pulled, and Dumbledore wasn't as famous back then – before the fall of Grindelwald. By the time Grindelwald was imprisoned and Dumbledore really started getting a lot of fame, Aberforth had secured his own friends. True, not as reputable as many would have liked and with a certain…disregard for rules and regulations, but friends nonetheless. You must understand that by regarding himself as superior to everyone else, Albus effectively robbed himself of peers and friends – he only has allies and pawns, people who look up to him but are years younger. This is the first time he has ever been seriously questioned about his actions, you must realize. In the end, Albus has led a far lonelier life than his brother."

"When did Abe break his nose?" Severus asked, interested.

The Healer squirmed a little. "That is probably for him to tell. I fear I have said too much as it is, already. Aberforth and I talked quite a bit over the past weeks, and he won't mind that I told you this, but I must respect his privacy. Besides, I can't rob you of all topics of conversation, now can I?"

sssssssssss

_Professor,_

_I can't say that the twins and Ginny are happy with me at the moment, but they deserved what they got. Mrs Weasley is quite scary when incensed, but she has nothing, nothing at all on Mr Weasley! Mrs Weasley just sent a Howler, but Arthur Weasley stormed to Hogwarts when he learned what happened and chewed out his kids in front of the whole Hall. He took all the twins research away and forbade them to start a joke shop until they leave Hogwarts. They were devastated, since they had just found a shop in Diagon Alley. Mr Weasley cancelled the lease and closed down the mail order business they'd been running, saying they need to learn responsibility first. He told Ginny that she will spend the summer volunteering at St Mungo's, to see what damage 'innocent' potions and spells can do. _

_Occlumency is going very well, according to Abe (he insists I call him that). Kingsley and I spend a lot of time training and last week, he even took me to where the Aurors train. I don't think I want to be an Auror, but it sure didn't hurt to get a few pointers from them. Kingsley's really easy to talk to, too. It's like it matters to him what I think or feel and he offers advice that's actually useful. No one has ever done that apart from you, and I never did take you seriously. Sorry about that. I just didn't understand, in my first year, why you hated me so much. I do now. I mean, you have plenty of reason to hate me now. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me, but I wouldn't blame you if you don't. I wouldn't. I don't think I will ever forgive my aunt and uncle for how they treated me now that I understand it was wrong, so I can't expect you to forgive me._

_It's a bit of an awkward truce we have, Slytherin and I. The rest of Gryffindor doesn't bother them now, after seeing what happened to the Weasleys, but they avoid them like the plague. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are leaning towards supporting Slytherin, if only to help them now that they are without their Head of House. Do you think you will come back to Hogwarts?_

_Sincerely,_

_Harry_

sssssssssss

_Harry,_

_Professor Snape asked me to invite you over to St Mungo's for tea and a chat this week. If this is agreeable with you, I will pick you up Saturday afternoon. Feel free to bring Kingsley Shacklebolt if you wish._

_Aidan._

ssssssssss

Albus Dumbledore walked into the secure area of St Mungo's. The extreme safety measures made him smile and think of Alastor. Healer Lythe was waiting for him. Finally he would get to see Severus, after so many frustrated weeks of not being allowed to see him, and not even being told how he was doing! Minerva and Poppy were not forthcoming with information at all.

Although underground, windows let in enchanted daylight and in the recreation area the sky had been enchanted like that of the Great Hall at Hogwarts, although the charms here were clearly of a lesser quality. Some doors were locked and spelled shut in addition to several wards placed upon them – they led to the rooms of dangerous patients, either to others or themselves.

"Where is Severus's room?" he asked, curious.

"Nearby," the Healer replied, "but we aren't going there, at his own request. His room is his safe haven in here. We are going to an unused room – somewhat neutral territory. You will not be alone with him either, I believe you have been informed of that."

"Yes, yes, Minerva told me she'd be here too," Albus nodded.

"Not just her," the Healer pushed open a door leading to a short corridor, "through here, Headmaster."

The old man stared in shock at the sight that met his eyes. Oh, not the room, that was pleasant enough. Large enchanted window overlooking a garden. Several decorative globes floating lazily across the ceiling. Comfortable chairs. Coffee and biscuits on the low table. The Healer walked in, apparently not leaving. Minerva was there, as he expected, but what made his jaw drop was his brother Aberforth, standing with an obviously nervous and fearful Severus in a corner of the room, a hand on the younger man's shoulder, speaking to him in low, soothing tones, too soft to make out any words.

"A-Abe?"

"Your brother was kind enough to visit Severus here frequently," the Healer commented, his face impassive, "Severus got along well with him as you can see."

By now, the others had noticed their entrance and sat down, Severus sitting on the couch with Aberforth next to him and the Healer in the chair on the other side. Minerva busied herself with coffee before settling down next to the Healer. Dumbledore was left the only other chair, directly across from the couch, the coffee table between him and Severus. He noticed that the other four had their wands whereas he had to give his up at the entrance to the secure ward. The seating arrangement spoke volumes. The three did not welcome him here, wished him far away, and were ready and willing to protect Severus with their lives. The only reason he was here the insistence of the very person they were protecting from him. His head suddenly throbbed. Severus needed protection – from him. That was not how he pictured himself. He was Albus Dumbledore, the benign, kind leader of the Light, admired and loved by his friends and respected by his enemies. Here was a young man who would have been dead at fifteen if it hadn't been for the diligence of his nurse, because of his callousness and blindness.

"I'm too late, I see," he began, pushing the uncomfortable thoughts away.

"How so?" Minerva raised an eyebrow.

"I see my brother has stolen the boy away from me already," Dumbledore said, still a smile on his face but his tone accusing.

"You mistakenly assume that you owned Severus," Aberforth glared at his brother, "I am only trying to provide him with some company, Al. You've had over twenty-five years to build a relationship with him before I met him. Not my fault you didn't use them as you should have. So don't go blaming me for something _you_ did."

Sensing the imminent fight, and Severus' increase in anxiety, the Healer held up his hands. "People, this is not why we are here. Any conflicts you can take outside, AFTER we are done."

Immediately both Dumbledores deflated.

"You are right, of course," Albus admitted. "Severus – I only wished to tell you how terribly sorry I am, for sending you to Sirius, for not checking up on you when you where there, and for not believing you when you told me."

Severus kept his eyes on the coffee table.

"Severus?" Dumbledore pressed.

"Isn't…isn't this the part where you go on about how it was somehow all my own fault, nevertheless?" Severus trembled, "and how I should let go of my grudges?"

"I…must admit I had hoped you would be able to work with Harry and Sirius," Dumbledore nodded, "but I should have realized you and Sirius will simply never get along."

"Perhaps because he tried to kill me, twice!" Severus' face flushed red in anger.

"Now, my boy, that is a bit over the top. I'll admit the prank was over the top, and he certainly should not have mistreated you so…"

"NO! NO, NO, NO!" Severus nearly screamed, "You can't do this! You can't! You are making excuses again! He DID try to kill me, he DID!"

The Healer moved closer, as did Aberforth who carefully slid his arm around the Potions Masters shoulders, preventing him from launching himself at the Headmaster. They spoke quietly to the shaking man while Minerva sent a disapproving glance at the old wizard.

"Really, Albus," her lips so thin they were almost non-existent, "would you come out of your denial? You've read the reports from Australia – Sirius is _dangerous_. By all accounts he would have killed Severus eventually with his carelessness and hatred, especially with the way you kept forcing them together. If you are going to stick your head up your…posterior, you will NOT be allowed near Severus again."

The Headmaster sagged in his chair. "I thought I knew it all," he muttered, rubbing his forehead, "but what am I now? An old man with a list of sins too long to measure. I can't even apologise and make amends. That is honestly what I came to do, Severus. I am sorry I upset you – you are right, I should not have defended what is unforgivable…"

Severus nearly curled up on the couch, Aberforth and the Healer still staying close.

"I want you to go," he muttered, "I don't want you to hurt me anymore."

"Severus," the Healer said softly, "it's alright to be angry. Is there anything you need from Albus before you can consider letting him come back?"

Dumbledore listened, practically holding his breath.

"I need him to be really sorry, not just blaming everything on me," the Potions Master slowly managed to get himself under control, "I need him to stop hurting me, making me feel like I don't matter. I need him to stop saying that he cares and then do something that shows he doesn't care one bit. That's what I need."


	3. Chapter 3

Professor Snape,

"Do you think he's going to yell at me, King?" Harry nervously straightened his robes for the tenth time.

"Calm down, Harry. No, I don't think he is going to yell at you, and I am going to be right there with you."

The teen swallowed. "He should yell at me – I do deserve it. He's been so kind to me until now, but I know it can't last."

Kingsley Shacklebolt took both shoulders – still skinny, but definitely an improvement now that the boy was receiving proper nourishment – and shook him gently.

"I know you hardly believe that anyone would not yell at you, especially when you did something wrong. You must realize, Harry, that what you did wrong during the holidays was not because you are a horrible cruel person, but because your own feelings and upbringing wouldn't allow you to recognize abuse for what it is. Severus understands that, and while he may, at some point, feel angry with you he is unlikely to string you up by your toes!"

Harry smiled feebly. "The letters we exchanged were nice enough," he said, "If he was really very angry with me he would have said something before, right – not written me back."

"Exactly. Now come on."

From his office, Dumbledore saw them cross the ground to the Apparition point where Aidan was waiting for them. He sighed.

"How am I ever going to make things right with Severus, Fawkes?" he idly asked his phoenix, "he refuses to see me until I've done what he needs, but how am I going to show him without actually being near him?"

He stroked the beautiful head and the phoenix trilled.

"What can I do for him from the distance?"

After musing for a little while longer, he smiled brightly. "I think I have an idea…"

sssssssss

"Professor Snape," Harry greeted politely.

The older man shook his head at him. "Stop being so nervous, Mr Potter. I am not inclined to start ranting at you. At any rate, I think Mr Shacklebolt would not appreciate it."

Kingsley grinned. "You know what I'm like with my students, Severus."

"Oh yes. I do remember when you came to give Ms Tonks some extra lessons in her seventh year and you caught me yelling at her. Which she completely and utterly deserved."

"I did apologise for throwing your cauldron across the room."

Snape gave the Auror a rare half-smile. "Yes, you did. Well, Harry – convinced I won't bite today?"

Harry sighed. "I just don't understand why you aren't angry with me."

The Potions Master closed his eyes for a moment. "Look at it this way, Harry. Imagine when you were small, your cousin had given you food whenever his parents weren't looking, or did your chores when they weren't home. Would you have been angry with him?"

Harry gaped. "Dudley would never have done that."

"No, but imagine he would have."

"I….I…no, I wouldn't have been angry with him," Harry admitted.

"Would you have blamed him for how your Aunt and Uncle treated you, knowing he did his best to help you? Would you have blamed him for not wanting to believe the worst of his parents? Would you blame him for not telling anyone, knowing that if he did, he would lose his parents and his home?"

"I….I….no…."

"That is why I am not angry with you, Harry. You fed me and protected me as much as you could. Your relatives' treatment of you made you less aware that it was wrong, and your need to have your godfather in your life prevented you from talking. You yourself did me little harm. The only time you yelled at me was the time I reminded you of, well, of myself, correct?"

"Yes…" Harry stared at Snape wide-eyed, his ability to respond limited to single words.

"After all the yelling I did at you for reminding me of your father, I can hardly blame you. It happened only once, and you did nothing worse than send me from the room, with the food you just gave me. Am I understood, Mr Potter?"

Harry nodded mutely and then turned to Kingsley, who put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him to his side for a moment.

"After such deep discussion, shall we have some tea and cake, and direct to conversation to lighter topics?" Snape suggested, "I am very curious if the Weasley children refrained from any more pranking."

"Oh, they wouldn't dare," Harry said, still a bit shaky, "You haven't seen Mr Weasley when he's really angry."

"Your letters did not mention young Ronald at all," Snape prompted.

"Ah, well, Ron is a bit busy with Hermione these days. They are dating. Either way, they agreed the pranks were out of line. Ron may think the punishment was a bit harsh, but he's not going to risk his father getting mad with him. He doesn't really like my truce with Draco Malfoy, but reduced hostilities mean less time patrolling and more time with Hermione, so he's okay with it."

"And Professor McGonagall still has not repented of her threats to us?" Severus inquired with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Alas, no, Sir. She confiscated the letter in class – I know, I know, I shouldn't have been reading in class – and added that she would give both of us the Detention from Hell if we were up to any mischief."

"Ah, Minerva, ever the stern teacher," Severus sighed.

"Was she this stern when you were in school, sir?" Harry asked curiously.

"Believe me, Harry, she has mellowed with age," the Potions Master said dryly, "once I forgot to do my homework – just once! She made me turn porcupines into quills for an entire evening. By the end of it I couldn't lift my arm to do the wand motions and I was babbling the incantation. I never, ever forgot to do her homework again."

His eyes softened. "She was stern, but very kind, too. When she realized my father refused to give me any pocket money for the school year, she arranged with my Head of House that I could assist him in my free time and get a little money from our House fund."

Behind him, the Healer smiled. This description matched the impression he got of the witch, and Severus obviously was fond of her. Then again, Severus was fond of anyone to show him care and affection at this point – that being the precise reason they needed to keep people like Albus Dumbledore, who had in the past played on that need to use Severus to his own ends, far away. Severus was doing well and growing stronger, but they weren't nearly there yet. Though his relationship with Aberforth was improving every day. Once the Healer had caught them in the morbid game of thinking up creative torture methods they'd like to submit the Headmaster to. Suggestions included a variation on the Tantalus myth – bind him and bury him up to his neck in enchanted lemon drops that floated away every time he tries to eat one – and using Muggle Laser therapy to burn the twinkle from his eyes.

Some of the winning ideas had left the healer feeling a wee bit queasy, but he supposed it was good therapy.

The other three were amiably chattering about Harry's training now, the boy blushing as Kingsley recalled some of his more amusing failures. The dark Auror countered his tales by also relating Harry's biggest successes, which really made the boy turn crimson. Severus listened, gave some advice when asked and encouraged Harry to keep up the good work. For all the hatred that had existed between them for over five years, they got on remarkably well now. The Christmas holidays, horrible as they had been, did force reconciliation between the two.

sssssssssssss

Over breakfast one sunny morning in early spring, the Headmaster called for attention.

"As you all know, Professor Snape has been away from Hogwarts for a while now," he began, "leaving Slytherin House without its dedicated Head. I have been informed that the students from this House nevertheless perform well in class, receive few detentions and in general, have made the best of this situation. For that, I am very, very proud of them. Therefore, I am awarding fifty house points to Slytherin for being faced with a difficult situation and handling it admirably."

Stunned silence descended on the Hall. The Slytherins dared not believe what they had heard.

"Do you think someone should check for Polyjuice? Or Imperius?" a Slytherin fourth year finally asked quietly.

"Possibly," the fifth year Prefect allowed, "Or the old man finally has gone insane."

The Headmaster sat back down, aware of the suspicions but deciding not to comment on them now. It was not exactly difficult to understand that the Slytherins would be suspicious of his sudden change of heart.

Angry whispers began to emerge from the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore winced as Minerva stood up and strode regally to her House table.

"Quiet," she ordered, not raising her voice but the hairs on every Gryffindor's neck stood up at the chill in it.

"I am disappointed in you," she continued, "The Headmaster is correct. Slytherin House is in a difficult situation, they miss their Head of House yet have done very well. They deserve those points, and you should not begrudge them that! I do not want to hear another word about it or this entire House will be on early curfew for the next month. Do I make myself clear?"

The eldest Prefect cleared his throat nervously. "Crystal, Professor," he managed.

She turned around, her lips flashing a very tiny smile at Harry's approving face.

ssssssssss

"Hey Potter!" Draco moved over to Harry as he left the Hall after dinner.

Harry turned around and waited politely. Draco took out a sealed parchment and handed it to him, like he had done before. Besides Harry, Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, and of course the Headmaster, no one knew where Professor Snape was exactly. Slytherin had been writing to him through Harry or Madam Pomfrey, so Harry simply took the parchment with a nod, indicating he would send it as soon as possible as usual.

"Bugger that we can't just send it ourselves," Malfoy grumbled.

"You know very well why you can't, Draco," Harry replied tiredly, keeping his eyes locked with that of his former opponent.

Draco kept his gaze for a long time before sighing. "It isn't fair, though," he muttered, "hardly the Professor's fault he got de-aged."

"There are some who would blame him even for that, regardless of the circumstances," Harry shrugged.

"I know. It seems so – pointless," Draco frowned, "what advantage can there be to being unfair? We – Slytherin has waited a long time to be recognized by the Headmaster, Harry, and only now do I realize, now that we have it, how much it actually means to us. We hated him – in the end, no one can live without recognition. We did not want to follow the Headmaster because he never showed us any, so what is the point to turning to….another, who apparently does not show consideration at all? It makes no sense…"

He turned around abruptly. "See that the Professor gets that, Potter."


	4. Chapter 4

"You know what surprises me

"You know what surprises me?" Severus said one day, as he and Aidan said drinking tea together.

"What?" the Healer stretched lazily.

"That none of you ever got angry with me for trying to kill myself. I mean – we've talked about it, but you have not gone out of your way, after the first weeks, to keep anything dangerous away from me."

"And you had expected us to? Be angry, I mean?"

"When I was sixteen, Poppy nearly bit my head off for doing something so profoundly stupid," Severus remembered, "yet you never made a fuss over letting me have a piece of parchment for fear I might kill myself with papercuts."

Aidan grinned for a moment. "It wasn't necessary, Severus. Do you wish to die now? If I gave you a bottle of poison, would you drink it?"

The Potions Master shook his head. "I have no reason to," he stated simply, "No one hurts me. If I feel uncomfortable, I only have to say so. You must acknowledge, however, that this is a very safe environment."

"Of course it is, it would be defeating the purpose if it was not. However, like you said, you have no reason to now. You were suffering from a reactional depression, caused by the circumstances in your life. You were able to function with that depression until life became too difficult to cope with. Since we have eliminated much of the reactional depression, simply by attempting to make your life more bearable, it is unlikely to repeat itself. The suicide attempt was a symptom of that depression, as was the attempt when you were sixteen. What I am doing with you now is teach you other, better methods to cope as well as help you create a more supportive environment."

Aidan clinked his finger against the tea glass thoughtfully. "Have you given any thought to returning to Hogwarts?"

Severus paled. "You mean – in the Headmaster's care?" he eked out.

"No, no, you misunderstand me," the Healer reassured him, "and I am not talking about sending you back there. What I wanted to know was how you feel at this point about possibly returning to Hogwarts in September to teach. Do you want to?"

Snape stared ahead for a long time. "I- I don't know," he finally admitted, "The idea of going back…face the students...the Headmaster…"

"You don't have to decide now," the Healer said, "I just wanted to know how you feel about it."

Severus lowered his head and did not respond.

ssssssssssss

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_Training is going very well. Slytherin is doing quite well now that the Headmaster has taken an active interest in their well-being. Draco told me that he gave detention to ALL participants in a fight that broke out between two Slytherins, a Ravenclaw and a Gryffindor. The Slytherins apparently served their detention with him, sorting out old books and being overfed on lemon drops. _

_Kingsley went to have dinner with me at the Three Broomsticks on the Hogsmeade weekend, said I needed a break. Uncle Vernon used to do that with Dudley, go out to eat, just the two of them. They taunted me about being a freak orphan with a good for nothing dead drunk father that would never have taken me anywhere. Now I have someone too. It feels weird, but nice._

_Draco and I talk these days. He says he isn't willing to serve anyone, especially not someone who would never appreciate him. I am still unsure whether or not to give him your address so he can write to you himself – should I?_

_Take care,_

_Harry._

ssssssssss

Dumbledore nodded kindly at the squirming Slytherin first years. The eleven year olds had been dragged in by Filch, who vehemently insisted they were trying to hurt his cat.

The children flinched away from the caretaker whenever he looked at them.

"Nasty, horrid creatures," the old man spat, "trying to feed my Mrs Norris something awful!"

"T…they were only cat treats," one of the children managed, "our cat at home loves them! They…they only have a potion so a cat doesn't get…get all wormy…"

"You calling my cat wormy, you little…"

"Argus," Dumbledore halted the man before he could assault the child, "the treats do not contain anything that would harm Mrs Norris."

"Well they were still trying to sneak her something awful," the caretaker insisted, "I want to see them punished!"

The two students stared at the ground, convinced they were in for it now. The Headmaster sighed.

"The elves will be delighted to provide Mrs Norris with a nice saucer of cream," he tried, "why not retire for the night?"

The grumbling caretaker left, taking his cat with him.

"Well now, children," the old wizard smiled, "I am sure you meant well, but Mr Filch is extremely protective of Mrs Norris. He can be quite the grouch when he suspects anyone of teasing her. I'm sure he gave you quite a shock. Sit down and have some hot chocolate with me."

An hour later, the children returned to the Slytherin dorm where they told the awaiting Prefects, who had missed them in their head count that evening, about being accused of hurting Mrs Norris. That made everyone wince – they knew all too well what Filch was like when he suspected someone might even look at his cat funny. When they continued their tale with the story of hot chocolate and treats in the Headmaster's office, and no punishment, even the most sceptical of the older students began to hope a little that, perhaps, this new and improved Dumbledore might be for real. And Draco made sure Professor Snape heard of the incident.

sssssssssssss

_Harry,_

_I am glad to hear my House is doing well. The reports about the Headmasters behaviour have me puzzled, however. Perhaps you could shed some light on it? _

_You should NOT, under any circumstances, tell anyone else where to reach me. Draco sounds sincere, but he is a Malfoy and a Slytherin. Even if he is sincere, the chances of the information falling into the wrong hands are far too great._

_I share your feelings on having someone close. I, too, had no confident or mentor for many years – the Headmaster did not quite meet the qualifications that I have since learned are standard for such persons. Abe visits often and I am pleased with the diversion. Kingsley is an honourable and levelheaded man; you could do a lot worse than him as an advisor and friend. I do hope you pay closer attention to his lessons than to mine, though, Mr Potter! _

_Now that you have advanced in the art of Occlumency, there is another book in the Restricted Section on Advanced Occlumency. Ask Professor McGonagall to write you a pass. Also, the book next to it is perhaps also of use to you._

_S Snape_

Harry grinned widely when next to the Occlumency book Snape mentioned and for which Professor McGonagall had written him a Restricted Section pass without even looking at the letter, was a book on the Animagus Transformation. He slipped it into his bag as he walked towards Madam Pince to have the Occlumency book registered.

ssssssssssssss

Aberforth Dumbledore had also heard of his brothers' apparent transformation on those occasions he visited the castle to train Harry. To be honest, it surprised him. Rarely did Albus admit he was wrong, and even when he did, he generally did not actually undertake any action.

Severus seemed completely confused. He was reading several letters from his House when Abe arrived.

"They are all so surprised at being treated fairly," Severus sighed, "but I guess it is good that they are. Not just by the Headmaster, but also by the other staff. Mind you, Minerva was always quite fair where points were concerned."

Abe nodded. "How are you today?"

Severus shrugged. "Aidan wanted to talk to me about returning to Hogwarts."

"Oh? Does he want you to return?"

"He said not now, and he only wanted to know what I want," Severus bit his lip, "and I just don't know! Hogwarts is the only home I have known since I was eleven, but I don't…I was never happy there. So many bad memories. The…the Headmaster…"

The Potions Master moved to the window, folding his arms tightly over his chest.

"I want to see Minerva, and Poppy, hell, even Potter. My House needs me. I feel so safe here, though. No flashbacks at every turn. Not having to fight constantly for my students. I know I should return at some point, but I feel sweat running down my back just thinking about it. I felt so unhappy there…"

"Sev, this stuff is all way over my head. I don't quite know what to say to help you," Abe admitted, "but I will tell you this. If, and only if you decide you want to return to Hogwarts, Minerva and Poppy and myself will be standing ready to help you."

He paused. "I live in Hogsmeade. My home is always open to you, Sev – you will have a place with me whenever you need or want it. If you want to return to teach but not live in the castle all the time, you are very welcome to move in with me. Hell, if you don't want anything to do with Hogwarts, you are welcome to move in with me. No matter what you decide, you will have a home."

That reassurance that no one had ever given him – no one had ever wanted him before – finally triggered the release Aidan had been waiting for all those weeks. Severus turned away with a sob, stubbornly facing the window so Aberforth would not see the tears that slowly made their way down his face. He conveniently forgot that Aberforth was not a man easily fooled.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, boy, come here," the old man growled, turning the Potions Master around and grabbing him in a hug.

Severus resisted, fighting to get free from the embrace, but Aberforth patiently held on until Severus gave in, rested his head on the strong shoulder and for just this once allowed himself to enjoy the comfort and safety as long as Abe was willing to provide it.

sssssssssss

Late that night, the Healer walked Aberforth out.

"You never seem to go home either," the old man commented.

"I live here," Aidan happily explained, "this ward – my patients – are the most difficult to work with. I often have only one or two at the time and they take up all my time. It is worth it, but quite a demanding job. Almost impossible to have a wife and family along with it. Most of us do this work for a few years and then move to a job with more regular hours."

Abe nodded. "I was surprised today," he started carefully, "Severus does not strike me as someone prone to – well, I was surprised to see him cry."

"I had been hoping he would at some point," the Healer smiled softly, "and I am very happy he feels safe enough with you to do so. Yes, Severus has amazing self-control, and that has kept him alive so far. Now, however, he needs to learn that he can let go once in a while, when he is safe with people he trusts. In the long run, it will be far better for him. If he had not done so today, I would have taken steps soon to encourage it. You were absolutely brilliant."

Aberforth grinned a little shyly. "Do you really mean for him to return to Hogwarts?"

"I mean for him to be able to make his own choices," the Healer replied, "be it at Hogwarts or anywhere else. I want him to start thinking about his wishes. He is not ready to leave here yet. Certainly not until he has found some way of dealing with your brother and the way he was treated. He is making great strides with Harry, but he still longs for a relationship with your brother as much as he fears him."

The bartender stopped. "Albus is making amends. He is trying to convince Severus. He could very well succeed, and where does that leave me? I had not believed it the first time Minerva asked me to visit the boy, but I grew to care for him. I could not stand losing him to my brother."

"I think you have little to fear there," the younger man was quick to reassure, "Severus will attempt to reconcile with the Headmaster, I am certain. However, he is becoming aware that a relationship with Albus Dumbledore will always be fickle at best. He trusts you. He does not trust the Headmaster, and probably won't, not completely, ever again."

ssssssssss

Harry grinned as he took flight. Alright, a raven wasn't anything exciting like a lion or a dinosaur – did dinosaur animagi even exist? – but it was nothing to sneer at. Inconspicuous, able to fly, after lots of practice and small enough to fit through most openings.

Unfortunately, not small enough to escape the notice of a thin-lipped Head of House when he returned to his dorm.

"Mr Potter," the witch held up his Animagus book, "would you care to explain?"


	5. Chapter 5

Harry gulped

Harry gulped. "Ah…A book?" he ventured.

"Mr Potter!" his Head of House nearly hissed, "this is a book from the restricted section. A book that you most certainly did not show Madam Pince."

"Well…erm…it was sitting right next to the Occlumency book I needed and I erm…forgot?" Harry shifted his feet, "I erm…you never do come to our dorms," he accused, "why were you searching my things?"

"Did you know what I saw earlier, Mr Potter?" the Deputy Headmistress asked, "I saw a student standing in the Gryffindor Dorm window. That student jumped, Mr Potter. You can imagine my shock when said student transformed into a bird whereas I was thinking I would be dealing with severe injuries and suicide – again!"

"I – I'm sorry, Professor," Harry honestly regretted having upset his Head of House, after she had found Snape, "no one was meant to see."

"That does not make it alright," a dark voice came from behind the witch, and Kingsley stepped from the shadows, "This transformation is far too dangerous, especially without expert help. You could have hurt yourself."

Harry looked at him, not comprehending. "But this gives me a substantial advantage to anyone attacking me," he said, not seeing the problem, "and I was certain you would not help me."

"Of course I would not, at least, not without making damn sure you were ready for it!" Kingsley said angrily.

"I don't understand. I have to fight Voldemort. I need all the tricks I can learn. What does it matter if I take a little risk? I can't defeat him anyway, only hope to take him out with me."

Kingsley grabbed Harry's shoulders and shook him. "Do not EVER think this is just up to you, young man! We are training you and protecting you and we will be right with you when the time does come. Your life is valuable and you are NOT TO THROW IT AWAY! Is that very clear?"

Harry gaped like a fish and only managed a nod.

"Minerva, is it alright if I take him from here?" the Auror asked.

"Go right ahead," the Transfiguration Professor said.

"Alright then, Harry my boy," Kingsley slung an arm around the youth's shoulders, "I think two rounds of the ropes course and five extra laps around the Quidditch Pitch today will remind you not to play games with your life in the future."

"Oh sure," Harry grumbled, "you are going to kill me to teach me to value my life. How effective."

Kingsley laughed and led him to the door. "Something like that."

"One second please, Kingsley," McGonagall said, "Harry, where did you find this book?"

"Oh, it was right next to the Occlumency book I needed," Harry said truthfully. It WAS the truth, just not the whole truth. He certainly was not going to get Snape into trouble if he could help it.

"Ah. I see. However, the cover of this book does not actually have a title. How did you know it was a book on Animagi transformations?"

Harry shrugged. "Looked at the other books a bit."

"Did you now? What was the book on the other side about?"

"Erm…I never got round to checking that one."

The Headmistress frowned. "I am beginning to doubt Professor Snape ever gave you permission for the Restricted Section. I should like to see his letter."

Harry paled. "I eh…I don't have it anymore…but you can Owl him and ask him, he did give me permission."

Kingsley frowned. "Harry. You are lying. Give her the letter."

The young wizard gulped. "Please, Professor. Believe me."

"Oh, I believe you, Mr Potter," the witch said to Harry's relief.

"I also believe that you did not 'happen upon that book' as you would have us believe."

Harry bowed his head as Kingsley gave him a slight nudge in the direction of his bed. He pulled out the top of a stack of letters in his trunk and handed it to the witch, still staring at his shoes.

"Severus, you…" Minerva shook her head, "when I get my hands on that boy…"

Harry looked up. "Please, Ma'am. I'm sure he assumed I would ask you or Kingsley for help. He had nothing to do with me trying this on my own."

They looked at him a little kinder than before. "Harry, we appreciate that you defend him, and please don't worry," the witch smiled again, "You don't have to worry about him, I promise. I won't be too hard on him, but I am not at all convinced he 'forgot' to tell you to ask for help! Severus has quite a mischievous streak when he wants to."

sssssssssss

_Professor Snape,_

_I am sorry! I am so sorry! I did not know she saw me. I almost had them convinced I found the book by accident. Kingsley made me do the ropes course twice that night and run five laps around the pitch. Did Professor McGonagall hurt you? I really am sorry._

_Harry_

ssssssssss

_Harry,_

_Calm down. I am still alive. Professor McGonagall gave me a telling-off, pulled my ear and then hugged me senseless while babbling about how wonderful it is to see me conspire to pull pranks. She is not always entirely logical in her reactions. A female prerogative, I am sure._

_She did tell me that you tried not to give away my involvement and then tried to take the blame and defended me. Thank you for that. I think it saved me from a day in the corner. Aidan, the coward, hid in his office and refused to interfere on my behalf._

_You did forget to tell me what your Animagus form is, however. Are you pleased with it?_

_S Snape._

sssssssss

"Aidan?" Severus knocked on the door to his Healer's office.

"Yes, Severus? Do come in."

Severus settled in the comfortable armchair in front of the desk.

"I have thought about returning to Hogwarts."

The Healer looked up in surprise. "And have you decided anything?"

Severus nodded. "I need to go back, to teach and to be near my Slytherins. They need me, and I need to know I am doing my best to keep them from joining that maniac. There is a war going on that I am too involved in to simply ignore or walk away from. I do not want that. I simply want my role in it to change. It must, since I cannot spy anymore. I do not think I am ready to return to living in the castle yet, and I am not sure that I want to. I would like to take Aberforth up on his offer, and go live with him. I would be close enough to Hogwarts to go to staff meetings and still be part of it all, but I would feel much safer. I should like to stay at Hogsmeade for the summer at the least, if you release me from here by then, that is."

"I think that is a very good idea, Severus," the Healer was happy that his patient had come up with his own solution and showed initiative by suggesting it to him. Severus had clearly given thought to his own desires. It had never been the Healer's intention to make him blind to his responsibilities – but Severus had been far too conscious of them in the past, to the point where his own health was all the way down at the bottom of his priorities list.

"I am glad you suggested this," he praised, "it shows you can successfully mix your responsibilities and your own wishes in a much healthier way. Yes, I am going to release you from here by the time term ends in a few weeks. There is just one suggestion I would make."

"The Headmaster?" Severus smiled a little sadly.

"You will be leaving here soon, Severus," the Healer said softly, "and you will have to work with him now that you decided to go back to teaching, at least for now. Perhaps it is wisest to talk to him again while you are still here, where you are safest."

"I will still see you when I leave, won't I?" Severus asked, frowning, "I am not quite sure that I won't need help with the transition."

"Of course you will still see me, we aren't nearly done yet. Your time here has been good for you, but yes, you need to return to your life at some point. I will visit you then much as I do with Harry now. Aberforth, Minerva and Poppy will be supporting you as well. You have learned much and I think you will do fine."

Severus pondered. "My Slytherins as well as Harry told me of the Headmaster's attempts to be more fair and support my House now that I am gone. Do you think he is trying to do what I asked of him last time we spoke?"

"It is possible," the Healer carefully answered, "he certainly does seem intent on rebuilding his relationship with you. For some reason, that seems to mean a lot to him. It must, since he is attempting to change the habits of a lifetime. One of us could talk to him first, of course, to see if he is sincere."

"I hope it is sincere," Severus admitted, "that he might be changing because being on good terms with me is important to him – that means a lot to me. I want a friendship of sorts with him, too. Trust will remain a problem for a long time, and I think I will never be at ease with him like I am with Abe, but I am still willing to try. Only – if I talk to him and he acts like last time, I am not sure if it is worth the effort, beyond any professional relationship, I mean."

The Healer nodded. "I am inclined to agree with you. And if that is so, Severus, we will work on helping you grieve over it and move on."

Severus stared out of the 'window'. "It is already difficult to accept that what I once hoped – a sort of father figure – is simply impossible. With the Headmaster, I mean. It seems I have clung to the wrong Dumbledore for years," a slight grin spread over his face along with a light blush.

"Aberforth is a good man who cares for you without asking anything in return. If you decided to pursue that kind of relationship with the Headmaster, he would support it, even if it meant losing you," the Healer carefully monitored his patient's reaction to this statement and was pleased to see Snape's eyes widen in astonishment.

"Lose me? You mean…he thinks I would just ignore him the moment the Headmaster says 'I'm sorry'? That is ridiculous! He helped me so much, I enjoy being around him, I would never give that up! I do not have to be afraid when I am with him. Believe me, after everything that has happened, nothing means more to me than that!"

"I know, Severus," the Healer reached over to take his patients hand, "I am glad that you have developed a healthier outlook on your relationship with the Headmaster as well. I know it is still painful no matter what happens – it is normal that you feel hurt and are grieving for the things that cannot be. Allow yourself to feel that and work through it while you enjoy building relationships with the people around you. Minerva and Poppy care for you and long to get to know the adult you instead of the boy they remember. Aberforth opened his house to you – and let me assure you he does not do so easily. You are no longer alone."

Severus was quiet for a little while. Yes, he was no longer alone. He was allowed to grieve. People cared about him; genuinely cared, not because they wanted something from him but simply because they appreciated him for who he was, the whole package.

"Harry," he said suddenly.

"What about Harry?" the Healer asked.

"I think – I know I have misjudged Harry in the past. I have enjoyed writing him, getting to know him. I think I wish to continue that. He looks like his father, but he is very much his own person, someone I could like. Kingsley is taking good care of him so Harry does not need me and I do not need him. We can write and talk without expectations. I must confess I enjoy the thought of that."

Aidan pulled out a book. "Did you ever read Aristotle, Severus?"

"My mother bullied me into reading Plato but no, I have not read Aristotle."

Aidan handed him the book. "These are Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics. In this book is a chapter on friendship that very much describes what you just told me. I think you will find it interesting."

sssssssssssss

Minerva entered the Headmaster's office from the moving stairs. Sometimes she wished all stairs in Hogwarts would move on her own – climbing up to the towers from ground level was getting a bit tiring when one got on in years.

"Yes Minerva? Anything I can do for you today?" the Headmaster pushed his bowl of lemon drops over to her as usual, and as usual, she ignored them.

"It appears the Slytherins and Harry have been keeping Severus apprised of your recent changes in policy," she started, "and he is willing to once again meet with you, if I feel that you have genuinely changed and this was not just a tactic to get Severus to cooperate."

The wizard sighed. "I deserve that mistrust, I know. I honestly wish to do better, Minerva. I tried to find a way to show Severus I am sincere, and the only thing I could think of was by taking better care of his Slytherins. Then, over the past weeks, as I got to know the students better, I realized that they are children like any other, and I enjoyed spending time with them. I do not think I could go back to being callous and hurtful to them even if Severus never wants to see me again."

The witch nodded. "Do you realize that you were callous and hurtful to Severus, as well?"

Dumbledore pinched the bridge of his nose. "Min, to be honest, I haven't though about anything else since that last meeting. For Merlin's sake, my actions nearly led to the death of the boy. Truth be told, I don't quite understand why he still wants to meet with me."

"You made him dependant on you," his Deputy said matter-of-factly, "for the longest time, you were the only person he had any sort of social interaction with – the only one who seemed willing to guide him. He has changed as well, Albus, and you would be wise to remember that. He is no longer a lonely young man whose affections you can manipulate to your own ends. Even if he would allow it, his friends won't."

She turned. "I will let Severus know and we will set a date before the end of term."

ssssssssss

_Professor Snape,_

_I am a raven. It's a pretty common thing I guess but I LOVE flying. I can't imagine being anything else. Kingsley and Professor McGonagall did make me file the form to register, but Kingsley arranged for it to be 'held up' in one of the offices so that Voldemort won't find out yet._

_The most wonderful thing has happened! I do not have to return to the Dursleys and Kingsley offered to become my foster-father. Aidan said it is impossible for me to return to Surrey, least of all because my Aunt and Uncle are in custody, awaiting trial. It will be a closed trial with Muggle judges and lawyers who are all aware of the Magical World. Dudley has gone to to some kind of program in Utah, I believe, something for troubled teens. Apparently he will stay there for a few months and then go to Muggle foster parents, depending on the outcome of the trial. Either way, I do not have to go back to them. Kingsley said that he isn't sure he can adopt me eventually but it doesn't matter, because I will be of age next year anyway._

_Will you be here next year? What is going to happen if you do return to school?_

_Harry_

sssssssssss

_Harry,_

_Yes, I am returning next term to teach. I may or may not live in the castle, that is as of yet undecided. This summer, I will be staying with Aberforth in Hogsmeade. I would not be opposed to the occasional visit, if you feel inclined to._

_Congratulations! I am certain Kingsley will be a much better guardian for you than your relatives. _

_Along with this parchment I have sent a note to inform my House that the interviews I was supposed to conduct with each of them this year regarding their future…occupations will have to wait until the fall, and I request that they postpone making any definitive decisions on that subject until I have had a chance to review their options with them. Kindly see to it that they receive it at your earliest convenience, as it is a matter of some importance._

_S Snape._

ssssssssss

_Headmaster Dumbledore,_

_Based on Professor McGonagall's report I wish to make an appointment with you for Saturday next at two in the afternoon. Only Severus and I will be present this time. If you have any questions beforehand or this date is not convenient to you, feel free to contact me._

_Healer A. Lythe_

_St Mungo's Hospital_

_London._


	6. Chapter 6

Harry gulped

"Healer Lythe," Albus Dumbledore greeted once more.

"Headmaster," the Healer calmly replied, "how are you?"

"Nervous," the old man admitted as they walked the corridor, and the Healer, taken aback, stole a quick glance at the aging wizard. An honest reply. That was promising.

"Severus is waiting for us in the same room as last time," the Healer said.

A nod.

They entered the room where Severus was sitting on the couch. Aidan went to sit next to him as a House Elf quickly brought in refreshments. He did not really react to the Headmaster, but Aidan knew that was from insecurity. Resting his hand briefly on the black-clad shoulder, he leaned forward to pour tea.

"We were interested to learn of the changes you have been making to the school over the past weeks, Headmaster," he commented lightly. He immediately felt Severus tense next to him.

"They were long overdue," Dumbledore said seriously, "I fear I have been remiss in that part of my duties."

Severus stared at him.

"Severus," the Headmaster finally pleaded, "please. Talk to me. Shout at me. Punch me if you wish. I can offer nothing more than apologies and assurances that I have tried, and will continue to try, to do better."

"You don't care for Slytherin," Severus accused softly, "you never did. You want me to believe that you changed your attitude in weeks where you have been biased for decades? This is just for show, to get me to come back, and then you'll revert to normal again."

To his utter surprise, the Headmaster nodded. "I can see that it seems that way to you, Severus, and you have every reason to mistrust me."

Confused, and not knowing how to proceed, Severus turned to Aidan.

"Severus mentioned needing three things from you," Aidan prompted the Headmaster. Severus was bound to be confused – the healer himself was a little surprised with the Headmaster's changed attitude.

"I am aware of that," Albus answered, "You do matter, Severus."

The Potions Master narrowed his eyes. "Why are you going through all this trouble to get me back? I am not going to spy again, no matter what you do. What do you want from me?"

"At first, I pursued this because of my own pride," the old wizard bluntly admitted, "I could not stand not being seen as the wonderful leader of the light. You were…no, it was not you. My behaviour was a blemish on my reputation that I wanted to get rid of. And instead of getting rid of my own sins, I tried to push _you_ away, the victim of my mistakes, thinking that if I could not see the results of my wrongdoings, they did not exist."

He sighed heavily. "I am an old man, Severus. I have had to face up to many mistakes and I cannot promise you I will change completely. I will mess up again. I am glad that you now have people looking out for you – I kept that away from you as well, to hide my treatment of you. Aidan's reports have triggered many investigations by the Ministry and power is being transferred away from the Headmaster position. I am…I am not fighting that. Power is my weakness and I allowed it to come to me…no, I gathered it to me these past decades. I cannot promise you I am completely changed. I can only promise you that the people around me, and myself, are busy installing many protections for the future."

He shook his head, a tear running down his beard. "I am ashamed that it is I that you need to be protected from."

Severus felt stunned. Here was everything he had wanted to hear, everything he had longed for. It surprised him that it moved him so little. Perhaps because he was all too aware that the Headmaster was a master of rhetoric and could produce a single, dramatic tear at will. He had trouble believing that this one would be genuine for once.

"So you think you deserve another chance," he said harshly, to hide his own mixed feelings, "another chance because of a few weeks of actually doing the job you were hired to do ages ago."

"No, Severus," the Headmaster shook his head, "I do not deserve another chance. What I did over the past weeks was an attempt to earn this; this visit."

"And now you are going to remind me how I got another chance when I did not deserve one, right? How no one but you would give it to me?" Severus scowled, his voice hard and hostile, but he scooted just a little closer to Aidan, just a little closer to safety.

"You would not have needed another chance, if it had not been for me," Dumbledore suddenly groaned and covered his face in his hands. "Oh, Severus – if I had been more attentive to you at school, how much might have been different? If I had been less biased towards Slytherin, would they have been as tempted to throw in their lot with Tom?"

He shook his head as if to clear it. "Many of these things are far beyond repair now. The only thing that matters today is if it is too late for you and me, Severus. Are we beyond repair?"

Severus turned around, seeking his Healer.

"What are you thinking, Severus? About Albus's question?" Aidan gently encouraged.

"I don't know," the younger wizard muttered, "I don't know. I don't feel safe with you, Headmaster, and at this point I am unsure if I ever will. But you have been…despite how much you have hurt me, you have been the only person to even pretend to care for many years. That…has left its mark. I find that I cannot simply walk away from this…whatever it is, as I desire. I want to rebuild something at the same time I want to walk away from you. I'm…Aidan…"

"It is perfectly normal to be confused," the Healer assured him. Then he turned to the Headmaster. "If you are sincere in wanting a relationship, you will have to wait for Severus. You will have to be patient and consistent. That is not to say you are not allowed to make mistakes, but you must learn to admit to them and apologise. I suggest therapy with one of my colleagues."

The Headmaster nodded. "And what now?" he asked quietly, "are you resigning from Hogwarts, Severus?"

Severus shook his head, to the Headmasters utter surprise. "No, I am returning to teach in the fall. During summer I am going to stay with Abe at the Hog's Head, and depending on how things go, I might move back to the castle for at least part of the week when school reopens."

He sighed. "I can't leave my House, not now, not with this war going on. I can still be of some use to the Order, and now I can speak more freely to many of my older students about the choices they have. I know Draco, for one, is having doubts about following the Dark Lord…"

"I do not think anyone else would be able to lead them effectively, Severus," Dumbledore admitted, "they do need you, but that does not mean you have to be the only one available to them. Why not take an assistant, or an apprentice?"

Severus' eyes widened. "I did not think I was allowed," he admitted, "an apprentice that would teach the younger years while I focus on the older students…that would be a very welcome idea."

"Most professors do not take an official apprentice or teaching assistant, but many have the NEWT students help them. Of course, they did not have the long list of duties you have had to juggle all these years. Think on it, and let me know if you have anyone in mind."

Severus nodded, absentminded. He looked insecure.

"What is it, Severus?" Aidan asked.

"I…" Severus eyed the Headmaster warily, "do you resent me for being the reason Black is gone?"

"Severus!" Albus gasped, "that was not your fault! Sirius brought it on himself."

"If I had not tried to kill myself, you would have made me apologise to him. You would have ignored what he did," the Potions Master pointed out bitterly, "you would have lectured me on the need to let go of grudges and stop telling lies. I did not, I drank that poison and set things in motion that made it impossible for you to ignore what he did. You are going to want revenge for that, are you not?"

"I would not have made you apologise," Dumbledore said brokenly, "Harry came to me and told me what had happened. That is why I went to your rooms, to talk to you. To tell you I believed you."

"You did not believe me! You believed Harry," Severus accused.

"I know. I know," the Headmaster sank back into the chair, "I did not want to believe Sirius capable of that."

"What hurt you the most about that whole situation, Severus?" Aidan asked.

Severus looked at the Headmaster. "That you did not want me. You would not keep me with you even though I begged you to. You foisted me off on Black, you never checked up on me. I – it hurt, what Black did, but I expected it. I did not expect him to treat me well. But you did not want me! You blamed me for that stupid accident and you could not wait to get rid of me."

"I thought it would be very boring for you, staying with me," Dumbledore defended feebly, realizing how ironic this sounded compared to what Severus had gone through, "I thought you would be less bored at Grimmauld Place…"

"Yes, being beaten up and worked like a house-elf certainly is much better than boredom. And of course, those days locked in a tiny room without food easily qualify as the most exciting time of my life," Severus bit out sarcastically.

The Headmaster did not deny anything. He regarded Severus sadly. "My poor, poor boy," he sighed, "there is absolutely nothing I can do to ever make this right again."

"No…" the young wizard trailed off, "not make it right. Just…make amends. I have tried to do that…"

He looked up again. "I will come back to teach and retain a professional relationship with you, Headmaster Dumbledore. Perhaps at some point, it can become more than professional, but I am afraid for now you will have to settle for what I can offer."

"I am glad, and a little amazed, that you are able to offer this much," they stood, sensing that this conversation had reached its end, "I will endeavour to earn your trust."

sssssssssssss

"Professor Snape! Professor Snape!"

Of the three people awaiting him at Hogsmeade Station, the slim black-haired boy was easily recognizable – the only one jumping up and down as he got off the train. The other two were far too dignified for that, though they smiled happily when they saw him.

"Hello, Harry," he nodded at the teen as he Kingsley helped him heave his trunk off the train. A featherlight an levitation charm later, it was hovering, ready to be taken to the town.

"I'm glad you're back," Harry said excitedly, "I've been wanting to show you my animagus form. Abe says you'll be living with him and Kingsley says I'll be allowed to go into Hogsmeade…"

"Harry my boy, give the man a moment to reply and yourself time to breathe," Kingsley admonished with an apologetic grin to Severus.

"Harry and I are living in the castle for now," he explained, "it is far safer for him, if a bit empty at the moment. I Floo to work from the castle – we've set up a secure connection."

"I have bad news, though," Harry said gravely.

Severus narrowed his eyes. He knew that look. It meant the boy was up to some kind of mischief.

"What would that be, Mr Potter?"

"Well, Neville and I both got an O on our OWLS so we will be in your NEWT class," Harry told him seriously, "are you still sure you want to return to teaching?"

Severus made a show of moaning. "Oh no! What awaits me this year? The horror!"

Harry grinned widely. "So I can come pester you a lot with questions this summer," he said brightly, "isn't that wonderful?"

Severus gave him a small smile. "It is, Harry," he assured the boy, his tone sincere.

"Yeah," the teen leaned into Kingsley, who put a hand on the back of his neck and shook him affectionately.

"If he pesters you too much, just tell me and I'll give him a few extra rounds of ropes course," he teased the boy, who looked up at him both amused and indignant.

"I have heard about this ropes course," Severus nodded, "I believe I should come investigate it one of these days."

"Be my guest. You can even try it out if you like," Kingsley made a wide sweeping gesture as if he wanted to personally open up all available training facilities to Severus, "Harry is getting quite good at it, I must admit."

"HEY! I broke my own record three times this week," Harry complained, "I'm not 'quite good' I am REAL good!"

"I will be over to see you soon and you can show me," Severus promised, "If you don't mind, though – I would like to go with Abe now."

"Of course," the Auror nodded, "Harry and I need to pick him up some clothes anyway. We will see you later."

Abe led Severus to the back of the Hogs Head, where the entrance to his own house was. He levitated the trunk into the bedroom that was going to be Severus's, and then they headed downstairs for a well-deserved bottle of butterbeer. The bar was closed, it being morning, and Severus examined the tap.

"I'll show you how that thing works," Abe pointed towards the handles with his bottle of butterbeer, "it's easier than it looks."

"Yes," Severus nodded. He had expected that. "I'll become a star waitress, I promise. I'll make sure to earn my keep," he promised sincerely.

Abe growled and banged his bottle on the bar putting it down with considerable force.

"Don't EVER let me hear you say that again," he stated, turning fierce blue eyes on his young friend.

Severus recoiled, taking a step back until he was backed up against the bar. Abe shook his head in concern took his chin.

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you, boy," he frowned, "you do not 'earn your keep'. If you want to help me out in here, I'm glad, but only if you want to. You do not have to do anything to repay me. This is your home. You are always welcome here and I will never ask anything in return."

He took Severus's shoulder and shook him gently. "So no more of this nonsense, alright? You owe me nothing."

Severus slowly relaxed a little, and Abe pushed him down on a bar chair. "Sorry I frightened you. You know you have nothing to fear from me, right? You…well. You belong here now. You're my family."

Trying to swallow the tight lump in his throat, Severus nodded. "Thanks," he managed hoarsely, "I…I like that."

"Me too," Abe slung an arm around the Potions Masters shoulders. "Now, my boy, let me show you where I keep my stock…"

Severus let himself be led to the basement to be educated in the wonderful world of tending bar. And the dusty basement, with rows of bottles and cans and other assorted groceries, suddenly seemed like the most beautiful home in the world.

The End


End file.
